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Post by Admin on Nov 22, 2018 1:36:31 GMT
If alone, and procreation no longer apart of the equation, than whom or what is one suppose to be or evolve into?
Roles make sense only when accountable to others, whether those others be a family unit or job, ect, but what about if alone, then what role is one suppose to assume?
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Post by Admin on Dec 22, 2018 17:01:24 GMT
I feel like I have lost the race and battle and have no where else to go right now.
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Post by Admin on Dec 22, 2018 18:45:27 GMT
Sometimes what cheers me up a bit is when Sometimes what cheers me up a bit is when I go back and look at older pics I took of myself, even of thy feet, when a bit younger and learning that I to could be beautiful, at least to self. I'm glad I was brave enough to take these pics and more (the one above) in that if I didn't, those times, that time, would be lost forever. I mean we all get old, grey, and eventually wither into nothing, so I figure why not enjoy self while can? Again, nature always seeks a balance, in that if I had had a wonderful, pretty, lady friend at the time, than I would of been adoring her feet, instead of my own, but I didn't, so nature created balance within myself in that as a male, why would I want to stare down at ugly bland feet? (not that they aren't, but through digital art able to enhance) Those feet in pic above are long gone, in that the bodies cells have since replicated themselves 100's if not 1000's of times since pic was taken. So long story short, I cheer up by realizing I'm able to sculpt self as I see fit, in order to get myself through whatever hard times I may be going through...sometimes I can be very tough and hard, but most of the time prefer being soft and silly. Like most, no different than anyone else, but if have 'tan' or 'tint' to skin, the world selfishly expects you to be hard all of the time, but not all of us are...surprise (at least to most)
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Post by Admin on Dec 22, 2018 18:49:56 GMT
Sometimes what cheers me up a bit is whenSometimes what cheers me up a bit is when I go back and look at older pics I took of myself, even of thy feet, when a bit younger and learning that I to could be beautiful, at least to self. I'm glad I was brave enough to take these pics and more (the one above) in that if I didn't, those times, that time, would be lost forever. I mean we all get old, grey, and eventually wither into nothing, so I figure why not enjoy self while can? Again, nature always seeks a balance, in that if I had had a wonderful, pretty, lady friend at the time, than I would of been adoring her feet, instead of my own, but I didn't, so nature created balance within myself in that as a male, why would I want to stare down at ugly bland feet? (not that they aren't, but through digital art able to enhance) Those feet in pic above are long gone, in that the bodies cells have since replicated themselves 100's if not 1000's of times since pic was taken. So long story short, I cheer up by realizing I'm able to sculpt self as I see fit, in order to get myself through whatever hard times I may be going through...sometimes I can be very tough and hard, but most of the time prefer being soft and silly. Like most, no different than anyone else, but if have 'tan' or 'tint' to skin, the world selfishly expects you to be hard all of the time, but not all of us are...surprise (at least to most) I like those feet, cause they respect the bounderies of feminality or softness and or grace. In other words they're not scary to look at, what annoys me is when certain males, try to do the same without understanding the first thing about 'grace'. Ugly feet just aren't fun to look at, be it they male or female. To me if a male is going to project feminality, or reflect the softer side of male, they should do it right or not at all, and pic above did it right. |
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Post by Admin on Dec 22, 2018 23:23:38 GMT
I know I'm suppose to be tough, but tell that to my feet I know I'm suppose to be tough, but tell that to feet at the end of long hard day, metal to the pedal type stuff. Feet are genderless entities, they have no idea who or what they're attached to, and when feet are beat, they're simply beat. Time for rest.
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Post by Admin on Dec 25, 2018 3:07:14 GMT
What ever happened to the whole gay marriage thing? Whatever happened to the whole gay marriage thing? And why aren't more males proposing to other males? I mean the gay community fought so long and hard to get gay marriage legal, and now that's it's legal, I never hear about it anymore. I mean no male has ever asked me to marry them? Do gays really want marriage or is all they really want is xes? Does the left foot agree to marry the right foot? (above pic) lol We're all dynamic on the inside, and on here it comes out in the form of art, that's why movies are made, that's what theater is about. When paid to be colorful, you're a pro, but if colorful and creative just cause you want to be, you're considered odd. But for real, I actually do wish some rich millionaire male would ask me to marry them, I'd just like to face that situation, I think it would be exciting. In the past, we'd have fun (back when I had friends), but we'd joke around as ask ourselves, 'How much money would it take for you to sleep with same sex person'... And some of the guys would play tough and be like 'No amount of money, I'd never cross the line'.. Then other more honest guys would be like '100,000', for some, it would be a million, or more. Me, the way I see it, we all get scr__d by life regardless, whether in the form of s9x or other, we all get scr2d. So if some rich millionaire gay dude wanted to buy me for 6 figures or more, I'd probably comply, get it over with, and then with the money I'd 1. pay off bills 2. Buy a house or RV and or land or all 3 3. Buy new computer or computers 4. Buy new broadcasting equipment, I'd set of studio in own place 5. Buy a house boat 6. Buy a motorcycle (maybe) Then I'd 7. Buy a farm and raise many animals, not for eating but just as pets 8. I'd buy lots of shoes and clothing (I haven't bought myself any new shoes in around a year Let's see, what else would I do with hypathetical money from one night stand with gay male who desired me (it wouldn't happen, I'm to ugly, but lets pretend here for a sec) 9. I'd buy health insurance, I haven't had health insurance ever, or at least not that I can remember outside of job providing it, but current job does not. 10. I'd by a new drone 11. I'd buy a nice home gym, with full boxing ring and or wrestling mats. 12. I'd buy airtime on amfm radio for own show hmm...what else 13. Oh ye, I need a sports car 14. And I'd buy lots of mirrors, my place would be filled with mirrors, maybe the walls all would be mirrors, mirrors brighten a place up and I like looking at myself (even though I'm ugly)(tears) And that's about it for now I suppose, all for an hour of torture, why not. But instead will spend the next year being tortured daily by life and not be compesated for it, so when you think about it we all get exploited and used by something. We all get exploited, so if I'm going to get exploited I at least want compensation for my discomfort. Wedding day, or Wensday (I'll never be able to spell Wensday, Wednsday forget about it. But come Winsday (darn it) but come that day, I'll be exploited by cruel boss, and work environment and still be poor. Sorry, my thoughts very hyper and all over the map.
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Post by Admin on Jan 20, 2019 23:59:10 GMT
Even ugly people need love Even ugly people need love. Life is so damn deceptive and cruel.
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2019 1:18:32 GMT
I doubt I'll ever get married, kid of sad actually, I'm just to 'broad', just to non flesh thinking. Females..hmm...unless willing to give you family, than what's the advantage these days? But most males also gross to me today, so where does that leave me?....alone. I'm more attracted to body types, facial types, more so than pure gender types. If found right, proper, clean, honorable, moral, male type with slender body, and just naturally soft, I could get with that, even if we adopted kid to raise right, to raise as 'heterosexual and straight'...(not that I'm not, just through that in there for the dense types) Or could do the same with Lesbian type of woman, or anyone whom I found physically attractive, and then intellectually attractive as well. But the odds of that are near zero out of a million, at least my odds cause those I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me back. Only other exeption (screw spelling right now) would be if male totally beefy, larger than I, masculine, yet loving, then I'd gladly play the 'balance' side of family or unit. But sadly that's hard to find also in that most jerks, if they think you're open to same sex affection, think you're sick and open to abuse and anything...hear me? Just because open to same sex affection does not, repeat, does not mean one is 'sick minded' and or open to being abused and or used like toy meat....people like that discuss or disquest me...(screw spelling for now) I just know when lonely, all one really wants is a hug, whether from God, a demon, a man or woman, when lonely, all one wants is a hug.  |
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2019 1:22:05 GMT
Yes, when lonely, all you really want is a hug, lot's of clean hugs
Is that so bad?
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2019 1:23:50 GMT
I never do anything wrong, and online is the only place allowed to express parallel sides, through art, but in real life have to be regular, dull and conform, like 1000's of others....oh well.
Life sucks so much for some, in that many are so good, nice, kind, but for whatever reason just can't be paired properly to anyone.
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Post by Admin on Mar 26, 2020 7:03:28 GMT
The older I get, the less I identify as being a 'color'
The older I get, the less I identify as being a 'color', it's like the older I get, the more I become more alienated in just being 'me', or myself, which is unique to really no one else.
Truth is, I don't identify with being 'B' or any other color, I mean I guess I thought I should, when younger, but the more I've had to live around 'B' folks, (at least in the SE), the more I realize I have about zero in common with most of them, I probably have more in common with Asians than I do SE 'B' folks, the males or females...our cultures are just way different, how I was raised to view self is way different than how 'they' were raised to see self and evaluate others.
I"m sure, know, I'm as strange to them as they are to me.
I mean I just don't identify with any color anymore...just behavior.
There's really nothing 'city' about me, I guess it's true, the older you get the more you start returning to your up bringing or area you're originally from, and it's sure not the colonial SE, where the minds of so many 'B' folks have been conditioned to be so narrow.
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Post by Admin on May 12, 2020 10:49:18 GMT
Laying down some thoughts
I have a bit more time on my hand now, and with that extra time, still seems like time and energy are forever fleeting.
Sometimes I'll go back and read older posts, here and elsewhere, and events I describe in older post seem as if happened a few days ago but in reality occurred years ago; where'd the time go?
And all the people wiped out during this Corona virus, where are they now?, I don't know any of them, they lived their lives, and now are gone.
I'm sure many racist were wiped out, many hero's were wiped out, people with dark secrets wiped out, but Death came for them all, like a wave, a torrent, death came for them all, good or bad, happy or sad, death came for them all.
When will our wave come?, is the question.
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Post by Admin on May 20, 2020 20:36:58 GMT
Neighbor from 'hell' finally either moving or being evicted
I think neighbor from hell finally moving out, and it's a female urban type who's boyfriend or ex boyfriend or someone always comes by late at night, early morning and attacks them.
You'd think they'd of gotten a restraining order, maybe they did, I don't know, I do know they make so much noise that I had to move into next room for peace.
I think 'B' women need to take a class on how to find suitable mate, cause where I stay 'b' females tend to do a terrible job at that.
It's gotten worse in that 'B' women from the 80's back, seemed to pick decent men for marriage, but now days I don't even think 'marriage' is apart of equation anymore when B women decide to have sex or kids.
Either way, I'm glad they're leaving, but now I wonder who the leasing office will move in next.
I think only once since being here has a working class adult male moved in all by themselves, instead it's always adult females, with or without off spring....there's been two couples, they were OK, but one couple had aggressive dogs and they got evicted.
I've been here the longest, never thought that would happen, but it just did in that moving does no good these days, apartments are apartments and since you can't chose who moves in next to you, it's always a gamble of who will...regardless of price.
You can move to a nice place and still leasing office could plant some 'hood' type single female right next to you, and then here comes the drama at night, here comes their hoodlum boyfriends sneaking around at night, same o same o.
Oh well, we'll see.
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Post by Admin on May 30, 2020 19:15:43 GMT
Happiness is weird
Happiness is weird, it can be fleeting as well.
I mean what makes you happy one week, can do nothing for you the next week.
With myself, a few weeks ago I felt reborn, cause had recently made radical lifestyle changes, stopped drinking, cleaned out living room, and things just felt fresh and new again. And I was working out again, all felt fresh.
But then last week it's like it all just 'stopped', that good mood, that mood that said 'change was on the way', it's like it all just stopped last week.
I don't know, i guess to be happy you gotta just keep on climbing, and doing new things, I guess....or do you?
Is happiness a state of mind or is happiness tasks and 'things' you gotta chase and find, like in a video game where you roam around and get points for finding 'gold'.
I don't know.
And as you got older, and realize 'nothing will ever work out perfect', then what?
When you realize your efforts will never make you rich, then what?
Most don't have time to think about things as deeply as I do, cause most have lives filled with relationship, family, friends, their own kids, or siblings, or career type jobs, so most aren't alone long enough to think very deep about anything, where as I am.
I'm always alone, so all I do is think.
I guess you could say I have lived the life of the lonely Senior Citizen years before ever there.
So when finally a lonely Senior, than what will I think about when already thought about it all before.
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Post by Admin on Aug 12, 2020 18:45:53 GMT
Tech companies have become viscous in how they track 'you', for marketing purposes
Tech companies have become viscous, in how they track you for marketing purposes, I mean they put the CIA and FBI to shame, or at least did in the past, when it comes to aggressively tracking people, not for legal matters, but simply for marketing matters.
And today, we all know that 'Data' has become big business, a billion dollar business, companies pay big money for 'user data', data on just about anything, cause with date = habits, and companies feel if they know our habits, that somehow they can exploit our habits and manipulate us into buying whatever, which is highly insulting to the thinking class.
Not only is it insulting, there's something creepy and even pornographic about tracking people.
For legal reasons, ye sure, do what you have to, but tracking people just so you can study them for marketing purposes, I wish that were illegal, but it's not.
It's to the point now where you can't join any site, without the disclosure agreement, blah blah blah.
the whole 'We value your privacy' BS speal.
The whole '3rd party' BS speal.
I'm surprised they haven't come up with disposable computers yet, use once or twice, than they self destruct, but that would be like for criminals I guess, or high Government spies or agencies.
But for average users of the net, it's just gross to me how much we're tracked, not for legal purposes, but for marketing purposes, then hounded by the same add for weeks.
Well once you buy something, why would you want to see same add hovering on your page for weeks?
Or if you search an item or subject on the web, what makes analytics think that's the only subject you want to search up for the rest of your life?
What if you're in school, college, and searching up 'dogs' for research, then analytics sends you nothing but adds about dog products.
I really wish there could be a new non commercialized, non monetized internet, where traffic cartels like google were not allowed in.
Where nothing could be monetized...how different would that experience be?
Cause as soon as you monetize anything, here come all the snakes.
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