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Post by Admin on Feb 23, 2024 14:20:02 GMT
What do you do when you realize, wake up and realize, you're already in your own 'hell'?
Then what?
Hell, isn't really some distant place in the future, I think it's what you live through in the current; it's your mind, hell is inside your mind.
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Post by Admin on Mar 10, 2024 0:37:48 GMT
Keep life simple, as you age
Don't be a slave to junk and 'stuff', as you age; rather keep your life as simple and free of mental and physical clutter as you can, and you'll know happiness and freedom like never before.
Gen X.
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Post by Admin on Mar 10, 2024 2:54:44 GMT
There is no social media anymore, not for me.
Going on Twitter or X or FB or you name it, is as desolate experience as being on here, but at least on here I expect it.
No one talks to you on social media anymore, and if do, it's a 'bot', a 'sex bot', a scammer, a advertiser, ect...but never just a common person, like days of old.
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Post by Admin on Jun 8, 2024 2:01:15 GMT
Lately, I just haven't been in a very artistic mood.
For a while there, I loved creating zany portraits of self...haven't done so in weeks, maybe months, just not in the mood to.
I'm evolving, changing, as we all do...and facing a different reality now.
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Post by Admin on Sept 1, 2024 21:37:25 GMT
When you realize no one cares about you, prioritises you, than you're like 'What does outcome even matter?'
Why should I care about outcome when it'll effect no one other than me?
No one cares whether I succeed or fail, no one ever calls, it's always me calling others...I basically do not exist to others, other than when either I initiate a call or owe money to a business, rent, etc.
It's a harsh reality to come to but it's true...no one wants to admit or hear that about themself, but it's true...no one likes me, even though I'm a decent person, no criminal record, never hurt anyone, nothing, nada, I'm just not peoples cup of tea.
Whites don't like me enough to get close
Blacks don't like me enough to get close
LGBTQ community doesn't like me enough to get close.
Women don't like me enough to get close.
The only people I do, for some odd reason, seem to do well with are Hispanics....don't ask me why.
I'm not Hispanic, but for some reason I tend to get along with Hispanic males, at least I used to.
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Post by Admin on Sept 17, 2024 2:34:37 GMT
 Don't be fooled by the hearts in the gif...I'm not really loving today, not even...not hating it either though, rather did my best to avoid it by laying with self in bed most of the day and by keeping all telecommunication devices off and or not responding to any, to include emails. My current reality is that I don't know what's going to happen from week to week now...or where I could be living just a month or two from now, or where I'll be working, so yeah, lot's of uncertainty right now. I just kind of melted today do to all the stress of it...and then people still want your money....schools, courses, this and that, but if go broke no one will give a dam about you...they don't now, but at least if they sense you have money they make you feel important. Also, I think drinking, along with taking half dose V type pills, just kind of messed with my mood, or inner body chemistry...so I'm dry now, I need to clean out my system and get my mood and mind back. After I post this, I'll create a 'to do list' and face all the media, email and texts, that I so tried avoiding earlier today.
I've never been more afraid of or weary of the future than I am now...I just literally don't know what's next or how I'll handle it.
I go through things alone, and so that makes it more scary... moving, alone, is scarier than moving with a friend or family or anyone. Moving alone, all by yourself, can be horrifying....but you have to act brave for yourself. Anyways, let me stop before I depress myself by thinking about it. It's still Monday, weeks go by so quick now, seems like yesterday was also last Monday. if I didn't keep track of the days on here it would all just be a blur. |
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Post by Admin on Sept 22, 2024 17:45:34 GMT
Today, at least for a while, I'm going into military mode.
What do I mean by that?
Well, when in Navy boot camp, I learned quick the meaning of military efficiency, and I learned quick that while in boot camp, if pressed, you could get more done in 1 hour than most do in a day....and if you didn't, the penalty was high.
It was all about efficiency, no excuses and managing your time, and demanding the most out of your body and mind.
Great tools for life outside of the military, but eventually we, I, forgot those lessons, or no longer needed to be so intense.
However, there comes times in our lives when we do, when we need to put ourselves through our own interpersonal boot camps to get our acts together, and today is one of those days for me.
I'm weeks behind on personal stuff, resume, 'movie pitch', appointments, house cleaning and more.
No more lagging, it's time to get busy.
Because the lazy and complacency bug is finally starting to catch up with me, and it's not looking so attractive.
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Post by Admin on Sept 26, 2024 15:44:03 GMT
Today is here, and well, I feel as if I've been hit with the reality check hammer. Not a good feeling, nor that bad, it's just a realistic evaluation of my current reality type of feeling. No booze in my system, so there's no 'false hope' type of bravado...just cold hard reality. In fact, my physical health is the last thing I'm worried about right now, it's pretty decent, been working out a lot lately, twice a day, just light workouts though, mainly cardio workouts, biking, walking, stretching, and if anything, working out provides temporary escape. In fact, will probably workout again, after I write out a few more thoughts. But yeah, I just pretty much got up, after finally going to bed/sleep around 4 am, got stuck watching those reality jail/prison shows. That's one good thing, I suppose, is I'm not in jail or dealing with that crap...and if I did ever go to jail, I'd have no one to call upon to bail me out. But that's the last thing on my mind right now...in fact, jail life is simple compared to having to deal with the real every day life and bills, and survival all while walking a straight line. A lot of people in jail/prison, are there cause they couldn't, infact, handle the stuff myself and others have to go through on a daily basis out here in the real world of stones and arrows. Anyways, like I said, I need to go workout to work off some of this tension. It's Thursday already again...wow...time is definitely not my friend right now.
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Post by Admin on Oct 4, 2024 1:25:23 GMT
I don't listen to music anymore when I'm home alone, and rarely listen to music when driving.
Music, just reminds me of how much I've failed in life, and or saddens me about the past, and or I just can't relate to it anymore.
When drunk, I may get on YT and explore new songs, or enjoy older ones.
Music used to offer me hope, now, it's just noise, for the most part.
As you get older, emotions matter less, and results matter more.
Music is all about emotions and feelings, which are useless to me now, if those emotions and feelings can't produces results that benefit my life and future.
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Post by Admin on Oct 7, 2024 13:50:07 GMT
Current reality is that I'm truly alone in this world, and I just need a except that.
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Post by Admin on Oct 18, 2024 21:25:58 GMT
Reality can really bit hard at times  Reality, at least mine, can really bite hard at times. I guess some people can have very good pleasant realities, or we all can, at times, I suppose. But then there are other times when our own personal realities absolutely and totally suck and bite, as I feel mine kind of does right now. I guess it depends on what you want, wanted out of life, and what you expected of yourself to get you there. Some people do get more breaks than others, and other people, well, no breaks, just bites, big chunks of reality takes big chunky bites out of your behind. All one can really do is write about it as a way of relieving built of anxiety. And 'Time' also sucks, when reality sucks, so does time, which simply delivers you more of the reality that keeps biting. Oh well, what can you do about it.
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