Home Base

Sometimes it just seems life, well not life, but rather 'corrosion of life' is a loosing propasition.

I mean the older you get, the more things go wrong with your health, regardless of how healthy your habits are.

Just look at nature, animals probably eat the most healthy diets one can eat for their designated species, yet as healthy as animals eat, most don't nave natural life cycle as long as mans, animals still get old, suffer age related illness, and still die!

But usually in the wild, most animals are eaten before ever get to advanced in old age.

Animals don't live out these old senior citizen years, cause the minute they, animals, can't feed themselves, they either starve or get eaten by a predator.

The only time animals feed one another is when nursing, but once an animal is mature, no other animal will feed it.

Except maybe in like wolf packs, or Lion prides where a kill is made and all animals feast, but even then if not strong, the weakest animal get scraps.

In nature, seems animals are either strong, and at their best, or they perish, there is no golden years of relaxation for animals.

And that's becoming more and more of a reality for human societies as well, just look at how the homeless population is piling up in cities, no mercy shown on these people.

  

I mean once fall from grace within the system, it's nearly impossible to get back in, you may as well be a 3rd world citizen even though an American...and that's just the fact Jack.

Some live in Mansions, others live under freeways.

Everyone fears living under a bridge, financial shows on the radio all built around peoples retirenment funds, so they don't have to live under a bridge after a life time of thinking they were so important and better then everyone else.

Well tell you what, nothing will humble you more than realizing none of that is true, when and if you ever should have to live under a bridge.

Still in a quiet mood, is why I'm still typing here, cause it's quite and hardly anyone reads it.

With all this graduation stuff going on, Seniors and all, I graduated high school but skipped town before ceremony, so my diploma was mailed to me.

Why did I skip town?, cause I was socially isolated, and really had no one to be their audience cheering for my graduation.
Parents were split up, rest of siblings gone, and I just wasn't up to feeling so alone on that day, so I split town early.

High school years can be very lonely years, especially if already a social out liner, and or when only close to a few, and those few leave, move, and it's just you basically.

My Senior year, looking back, just wasn't very fun at all.

And then I found stupid religion, so even further isolated from those I use to get along with.

Looking back I wish I'd never found religion in some ways, cause it really alienated me from a lot, on top of already being an outsider.
And folks in the church didn't embrace me, yet kept telling me to 'let go' of old friends and stuff.

So I was now twice as isolated, looking back what a mistake I made...and sometimes curse the day I every found religion, cause seems now it's the wild ones who end up in meaningful relationships.

Yes, religion matured me in many ways, but wish I could of found that through secular logic instead.

Plus I was a minority where I grew up and found religion, so even though attended church, the people in the church although 'saved' (whatever), still human, and as such still color segregated in their social lives away from church.

So I was like triple isolated....kind of sad looking back.

And never went to Prom, nor have I ever attended any class reunion, I think I was invited to one, and that's it.

It's as if I just never existed to those people.

I'm sure they all think the worse has happened to me, yet if did ever go to class reunion, physically, they'd be surprised at how 'stellar' I still look and how still 'high school' fit I am.

I can only imagine what some of my female classmates look like today, seeing how women and men age differently.

And I wonder how many have passed away?

Yep, I've been given a raw deal as far as certain parts of my past go, a very lonely past, socially isolated passed and continues that way even today. I just cannot ever seem to find 'friends' anymore, people you can hang out with type of friends.

I'm still caught in the middle of so many social worlds.

I continue to evolve and change, but the older you get, the sad thing is, even if you get better, your body gets older, and after a while no matter how wise you become, your body simply gives out do to old age or illness, so it doesn't matter unless you write down what you knew for people to read later.

And some days happiness comes easy, other days happiness is evasive.
Diet and other things have a lot to do with that, and or heavy drinking or drug use can effect that as well.

Also what you see in the news can effect your happiness also.
Seems the news is just programmed to be negative, especially as of late.

You get through life by not focusing on negative stuff, but that's all the media wants us to focus on.

Today I stayed in, but tomorrow have to get up and out, which I no longer enjoy doing, cause there's nothing out there for me anymore, and any time I leave my place, wherever I go, it just feels like a chore.

Whether grocery shopping, or going to the bank, or here or there, it's just not fun anymore, I guess cause I just no longer expect anything good to occur anymore.
Just traffic, and heat, that's about it, and the worry that vehicle could break down.

Things or people just don't feel 'new' to me anymore, it's all feeling like a re run to me, at least in my sphere of existence.

I guess I'm just not around anyone who's exciting, I use to dump a ton of excitement onto others, but the people I dumped it upon were just duds.

It just seems I'm cursed with always being sorrounded by dud types who have no inspiration or dreams beyond daily routine, both males and females.

There is no exciting people in my sphere of existence and I fear that fact is beginning to make me a bit dull as well.

And every time I want to get up and move to better place, something always occurs which drains all my money so then stuck for another year.

And if going to be alone, would rather just move back out into the country, or woods, but again that's easier said than done.



A place like this would be heaven to me, but unless independently wealthy, how would one afford to live in such a place?
Man, and his capital ways, has made living in peace near impossible unless wealthy.

It's gross when you think about it, so that even if do finance land, you still have to spend most of your time away from it earning income to make payments.

The system is sick when you think about it, but we're all brainwashed to think it's good.

This idea that you have to pay for land, pay for gods green earth, is sick.
Everyone, at the minimum, should be given their own parcel of land to develop as they see fit.

That way if they want to be in the grid fine, if not, fine.

But we should be given a choice, cause there's a lot of people that if they had say 10 acres of land, would totally be independent, would grow own food, raise their own chickens, goats, cattle, and whatever else, they wouldn't have to go to the store, but I don't think the economy wants that, instead the 'economy' wants us all to spend spend spend, and continue to buy cheap meaningless items from China.

What a joke it all has become.

Oh well, just turned off TV, cause as predicted morning news started off with that Corona BS, then I"m sure they'll move onto some he said she said negative Trump stuff, then stupid weather, then stupid traffic, then some stupid local story that means nothing.

Time to retreat back into my own mind for a few more hours before stepping out.

Don't buy this cheap crap on TV



If into security cams, don't waste your time buying this cheap crap on TV.

Commercial makes it look so ideal, but this reviewer tells another tail or tale.

Can be sad looking back at times

Was deleting all sorts of stuff from old email account, stuff that went back 6 years or more, and it's easy to do until start noticing some of the 'sent mail' section, then you kind of got sad, at least I did, and halted deleting them for a while.

When you go back that far, you see relationships that are 'no more', that have ended, and so seeing those very old emails just reminds of you times that were 'decent', between you and whomever or whomever's.

Happiness is like frozen in time, and not sure if I can delete them now or not...I guess I just get sentimental like that at times.

I mean not everyone is famous and gets giant museum built in their name when they, we, pass, and so often the only memories of ordinary people (at least ordinary to the media or society), are little things like email interaction.

One old child hood friend had sent me audio file of them DJ'ing in like the Puget Sound area, Kent, WA or something, this is from years back, and audio accidently started playing and I was like 'wow'.

I mean I don't even know if the guy is alive anymore, yet I still have their old audio.

Maybe I'll podcast it, but my gosh they were doing this stuff long before podcasting become normalized, and back when could actually broadcast over celestial stations before 'Heart media' and other giants took over everything, now it's like good luck trying to get on a celestial station, air time prices are out of this world, and you'd need a time of fiscal backers.

I wanted to do that, once upon a time.

Anyways, just going down 'to do list', and on that list happen to be 'check email', and I did, which made me wanna write this post...butterfly effect.

Even I can't escape the stupid census stuff, they'll come knocking at your door if you don't fill out form.
Census taking goes back to bible days though, so really no way around it I guess.