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Post by Admin on Apr 28, 2020 13:23:46 GMT
Hmm, suddenly I can post pictures of my art again, that's a game changer. If I can post pics again, I may consider staying, cause pictures are everything, people are drawn to images, but without that capability, no one has any reason to come here anymore. I'll try again in an hour or so..
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Post by Admin on Apr 28, 2020 15:45:53 GMT
IT's funny and sad in that everything I've discussed on here for years, and other places, they're now talking about on NPR, national public radio, with guests who are Professors and 'experts' on 'self identity' and all....it's amazing.
They're talking about 'gender neutral clothing', gender this, gender that', but in the back drop of 'Dr this, this Grad Student', and so forth.
I've lived that crap for years, shared it on here for years, and nothing, considered a freak, yet when main stream finally catches up it's 'Trendy', cutting edge...
Amazing..........and pathetic
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Post by Admin on May 3, 2020 14:50:44 GMT
Sometimes it just seems life, well not life, but rather 'corrosion of life' is a loosing propasition. I mean the older you get, the more things go wrong with your health, regardless of how healthy your habits are. Just look at nature, animals probably eat the most healthy diets one can eat for their designated species, yet as healthy as animals eat, most don't nave natural life cycle as long as mans, animals still get old, suffer age related illness, and still die! But usually in the wild, most animals are eaten before ever get to advanced in old age. Animals don't live out these old senior citizen years, cause the minute they, animals, can't feed themselves, they either starve or get eaten by a predator. The only time animals feed one another is when nursing, but once an animal is mature, no other animal will feed it. Except maybe in like wolf packs, or Lion prides where a kill is made and all animals feast, but even then if not strong, the weakest animal get scraps. In nature, seems animals are either strong, and at their best, or they perish, there is no golden years of relaxation for animals. And that's becoming more and more of a reality for human societies as well, just look at how the homeless population is piling up in cities, no mercy shown on these people. I mean once fall from grace within the system, it's nearly impossible to get back in, you may as well be a 3rd world citizen even though an American...and that's just the fact Jack. Some live in Mansions, others live under freeways. Everyone fears living under a bridge, financial shows on the radio all built around peoples retirenment funds, so they don't have to live under a bridge after a life time of thinking they were so important and better then everyone else. Well tell you what, nothing will humble you more than realizing none of that is true, when and if you ever should have to live under a bridge.
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Post by Admin on May 25, 2020 22:11:55 GMT
In one of those moods where I don't care if anything I write, or cloud broadcast is heard or not.
Cause it really just doesn't matter.
There have been Statesmen, and way more important people in this world before me, right now, and when gone, and if they can't really change anything, what am I going to change?
I think If I were meant to be popular it would of happened by now.
Not really sure what I'm meant to be anymore.
That aside, just being lazy today, watching some older movies on the antenna TV channel titled 'Movies', they often play old classics, movies that seemed to have been directed than many releases of today.
------------------------------
I got 'loud' last night, so today super mellow, it's called balance I suppose.
Come tomorrow, I'll probably want to be famous again, you know how moods are.
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Post by Admin on May 26, 2020 2:25:06 GMT
Still in a quiet mood, is why I'm still typing here, cause it's quite and hardly anyone reads it.
With all this graduation stuff going on, Seniors and all, I graduated high school but skipped town before ceremony, so my diploma was mailed to me.
Why did I skip town?, cause I was socially isolated, and really had no one to be their audience cheering for my graduation. Parents were split up, rest of siblings gone, and I just wasn't up to feeling so alone on that day, so I split town early.
High school years can be very lonely years, especially if already a social out liner, and or when only close to a few, and those few leave, move, and it's just you basically.
My Senior year, looking back, just wasn't very fun at all.
And then I found stupid religion, so even further isolated from those I use to get along with.
Looking back I wish I'd never found religion in some ways, cause it really alienated me from a lot, on top of already being an outsider. And folks in the church didn't embrace me, yet kept telling me to 'let go' of old friends and stuff.
So I was now twice as isolated, looking back what a mistake I made...and sometimes curse the day I every found religion, cause seems now it's the wild ones who end up in meaningful relationships.
Yes, religion matured me in many ways, but wish I could of found that through secular logic instead.
Plus I was a minority where I grew up and found religion, so even though attended church, the people in the church although 'saved' (whatever), still human, and as such still color segregated in their social lives away from church.
So I was like triple isolated....kind of sad looking back.
And never went to Prom, nor have I ever attended any class reunion, I think I was invited to one, and that's it.
It's as if I just never existed to those people.
I'm sure they all think the worse has happened to me, yet if did ever go to class reunion, physically, they'd be surprised at how 'stellar' I still look and how still 'high school' fit I am.
I can only imagine what some of my female classmates look like today, seeing how women and men age differently.
And I wonder how many have passed away?
Yep, I've been given a raw deal as far as certain parts of my past go, a very lonely past, socially isolated passed and continues that way even today. I just cannot ever seem to find 'friends' anymore, people you can hang out with type of friends.
I'm still caught in the middle of so many social worlds.
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Post by Admin on May 30, 2020 18:52:35 GMT
What is grace under fire?
Sometimes I have to remind myself of that title, 'Grace under fire'.
It means different things at different times I suppose.
Last night, while driving, was tuned into a variety of talk radio shows, with different hosts and callers chiming in on the whole 'Floyd' situation, the riots and all, and both the hosts and callers were full of opinions, and very few facts.
Even the hosts, depending on their own personal biases, would spern different versions of the events that favored their own biases, so did the callers.
And of course the effect that has is to 'rile' your, the listener.
So last night, vowed to 'correct' this host and clarify this point, that point.....but now, as I sit here, I'm like clarify this or that point for who, and for what?
People don't want clarity anymore.
So I'd be doing it for myself, and no one else.
I mean my clarity or presentation of the facts is simply 'false' to another who'd rather believe in their own clarity facts based on own personal bias.
So all I'd be doing is getting sense of satisfaction by telling 'self' the truth, and really no one else.
Like I always do I guess.
Anyways, it can wait...I got another long shift tonight, and why should I spend 'off time', responding to stuff I heard last night on the media.
I can't really say 'on the news' anymore, cause you don't really get the news anymore, instead you get radio hosts, cable 'news' hosts, offering their opinion on issues, but rarely the 'news' anymore.
The 'News' is just covering an event without inserting opinion, but networks find that boring, so instead encourage their hosts to all become like 'Hannity', whether left or right, or to be like 'Don Lemon' (CNN), and to insert opinion into news events as a way of riling peoples nerves.
As far as I know Hannity and Don lemon could be best buddies when off the air.
So 'Grace under fire' to me, right now, today anyways, just means chilling, and letting the smoke pass without reacting to it.
I'm home now, everything is calm, why should I rile self?
There'll be plenty of time for that tomorrow, when 'off', but for now, would rather relax and focus on soothing stuff.
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Post by Admin on Jun 23, 2020 9:10:20 GMT
I continue to evolve and change, but the older you get, the sad thing is, even if you get better, your body gets older, and after a while no matter how wise you become, your body simply gives out do to old age or illness, so it doesn't matter unless you write down what you knew for people to read later. And some days happiness comes easy, other days happiness is evasive. Diet and other things have a lot to do with that, and or heavy drinking or drug use can effect that as well. Also what you see in the news can effect your happiness also. Seems the news is just programmed to be negative, especially as of late. You get through life by not focusing on negative stuff, but that's all the media wants us to focus on. Today I stayed in, but tomorrow have to get up and out, which I no longer enjoy doing, cause there's nothing out there for me anymore, and any time I leave my place, wherever I go, it just feels like a chore. Whether grocery shopping, or going to the bank, or here or there, it's just not fun anymore, I guess cause I just no longer expect anything good to occur anymore. Just traffic, and heat, that's about it, and the worry that vehicle could break down. Things or people just don't feel 'new' to me anymore, it's all feeling like a re run to me, at least in my sphere of existence. I guess I'm just not around anyone who's exciting, I use to dump a ton of excitement onto others, but the people I dumped it upon were just duds. It just seems I'm cursed with always being sorrounded by dud types who have no inspiration or dreams beyond daily routine, both males and females. There is no exciting people in my sphere of existence and I fear that fact is beginning to make me a bit dull as well. And every time I want to get up and move to better place, something always occurs which drains all my money so then stuck for another year. And if going to be alone, would rather just move back out into the country, or woods, but again that's easier said than done. A place like this would be heaven to me, but unless independently wealthy, how would one afford to live in such a place? Man, and his capital ways, has made living in peace near impossible unless wealthy. It's gross when you think about it, so that even if do finance land, you still have to spend most of your time away from it earning income to make payments. The system is sick when you think about it, but we're all brainwashed to think it's good. This idea that you have to pay for land, pay for gods green earth, is sick. Everyone, at the minimum, should be given their own parcel of land to develop as they see fit. That way if they want to be in the grid fine, if not, fine. But we should be given a choice, cause there's a lot of people that if they had say 10 acres of land, would totally be independent, would grow own food, raise their own chickens, goats, cattle, and whatever else, they wouldn't have to go to the store, but I don't think the economy wants that, instead the 'economy' wants us all to spend spend spend, and continue to buy cheap meaningless items from China. What a joke it all has become. Oh well, just turned off TV, cause as predicted morning news started off with that Corona BS, then I"m sure they'll move onto some he said she said negative Trump stuff, then stupid weather, then stupid traffic, then some stupid local story that means nothing. Time to retreat back into my own mind for a few more hours before stepping out.
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Post by Admin on Jun 25, 2020 7:27:28 GMT
Not my best time off, it was OK, but drinking always screws things up. I mean right now I wish I were in some cheezy mid 1970's movie in some cheezy downtown room for rent type of place. Sad thing is, is unlike the 70's - 90's, it's impossible to afford even a place like that now days anywhere near any downtown in major city. There was a time when places like that went for dirt cheap, you know like the fire escape apartments or rooms. Now you have to be near a millionaire to live anywhere close to downtown in major desirable cities. If I were mega rich, I'd build, design, a house to reflect those old downtown Hotels, made out of bricks, with the neon signs outside glissening off of wet pavement. Not in a writing mood right now...mind is elsewhere. Just one of those reset moments, that's all.
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Post by Admin on Jul 4, 2020 19:50:34 GMT
Don't buy this cheap crap on TV
If into security cams, don't waste your time buying this cheap crap on TV.
Commercial makes it look so ideal, but this reviewer tells another tail or tale.
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Post by Admin on Jul 6, 2020 9:30:28 GMT
Time is so incredibly short
Time is so incredibly short, even when have days off, if you make a list of things to do, seems are only able to get fraction of stuff done on that list, next thing you know you're back at work.
I think back to moments of youth, like when in 1st grade, and can still remember moments of summer, I look back to self then, and self now, and often ask 'what happened?'.
I mean sure, from a glance, my life seems fine, but one tends to measure self not by how ordinary one is, but how much more one could of been had one made smarter decisions in the past.
I'm not unhappy with life cause I'm bad, not at all, I get sad with life at times cause feel I could of been so much more, had I just had support, or stayed within 'go getter' type of crowd or institutions such as military or College ext.
Right now I'm just kind of out on a Island, all alone, and sure it's peaceful, hardly any drama, but being alive is or should be about more than just the basics.
Anyways, still working on that 'to do list', but for now will rest a while...it's a list I don't ever seem to be able to deplete.
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Post by Admin on Jul 11, 2020 10:14:17 GMT
Can be sad looking back at times
Was deleting all sorts of stuff from old email account, stuff that went back 6 years or more, and it's easy to do until start noticing some of the 'sent mail' section, then you kind of got sad, at least I did, and halted deleting them for a while.
When you go back that far, you see relationships that are 'no more', that have ended, and so seeing those very old emails just reminds of you times that were 'decent', between you and whomever or whomever's.
Happiness is like frozen in time, and not sure if I can delete them now or not...I guess I just get sentimental like that at times.
I mean not everyone is famous and gets giant museum built in their name when they, we, pass, and so often the only memories of ordinary people (at least ordinary to the media or society), are little things like email interaction.
One old child hood friend had sent me audio file of them DJ'ing in like the Puget Sound area, Kent, WA or something, this is from years back, and audio accidently started playing and I was like 'wow'.
I mean I don't even know if the guy is alive anymore, yet I still have their old audio.
Maybe I'll podcast it, but my gosh they were doing this stuff long before podcasting become normalized, and back when could actually broadcast over celestial stations before 'Heart media' and other giants took over everything, now it's like good luck trying to get on a celestial station, air time prices are out of this world, and you'd need a time of fiscal backers.
I wanted to do that, once upon a time.
Anyways, just going down 'to do list', and on that list happen to be 'check email', and I did, which made me wanna write this post...butterfly effect.
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Post by Admin on Jul 28, 2020 23:51:28 GMT
New number delima
I recently got a new phone number, cause letting go of the past.
It's been oh so quite on the phone front lately, Oh so quiet.
But here's the thing, I've noticed from past experience of doing this, changing number, all is so quiet up and until register number on any social site, like C/L or FB or this or that.
Or maybe even 'Go Daddy', 'Smart line'....not sure.
But you know they're all liars in that up and until you share your number with a site, it's quiet, but the minute you share your number for registration purposes or whatever, than here come the spam calls out of nowhere, and seems overnight the whole world knows your number again.
That being said, I do have a bunch of older 'flip phones', analog phones that still work.
So maybe I'll re-activate a phone or two, and simply use those numbers for public consumption.
Yes, no?
Bots, usually don't like analog phones and avoid.
I think can get some pretty low analog phone service for under $30.00 a month...charging phone now and will let you know.
That way when run adds on C/L or other places, you won't get 'spammed' on regular phone.
Since changing my Android number, I love having it silent, no 'spam' calls, nothing as of yet.
It's nice.
But know as soon as I share it with any site, google, FB, twitter, YT, C/L, mail order, this or that, I know as soon as I do that the flood gates will be open and here comes all the spam bot calls.
I'll let you know when I decide.
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Post by Admin on Aug 17, 2020 23:00:29 GMT
Even I can't escape the stupid census stuff, they'll come knocking at your door if you don't fill out form. Census taking goes back to bible days though, so really no way around it I guess.
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Post by Admin on Aug 17, 2020 23:26:53 GMT
Filled out Census, only took a few minutes
Wow, that wasn't as painful as I thought, I filled out 2020 census online, and took less than 8 minutes, if that.
The questions weren't as deep and probing as I thought they'd be.
The only part I don't like is the ethnicity part, but they leave slot under white/black so can fill in with 'other'.
Cause many American whites and blacks are mixed with other 'blood', and in the past you were either pure white, or pure black, and it's nice that now they allow you to add other stuff in.
Like black/indian or white/indian or black/asian or white/asian ect.
In America, there are very few pure blood anything, especially if 'black' and or white, most are mixed with some other ethnicity, melting pot, affairs, ect, lol
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Post by Admin on Aug 22, 2020 8:04:01 GMT
This idea that only women can be graceful is such a full blown cultural myth I think androgynous males can be just as graceful, if not more so than most females I see on day to day basis. I don't think gender has anything to do with grace, I think, observe, grace is something you have to desire, or want to have, regardless of your gender. Mankind is so small, even invents a God that thinks is impressed with his smallness. This applies to humans around the planet, not just to Americans.
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