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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:31:42 GMT
Anyways, today's Tuesday and yesterday just felt horrible, I was just emotionally lost.
If could delete yesterday from my history I wouldn't miss it at all, nothing would be lost.
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:34:34 GMT
I don't feel much better going into today...I still feel lost.
I think I'm still going through the transition of drinking all the time to hardly ever drinking.
I should be feeling great right now, but emotionally I just don't, I feel lost.
Body feels just fine, but my mood or spirit, or optimism about life and the future has just taken a temporary dive, and not sure why.
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:35:23 GMT
I think I just need something wonderful to happen for a change, instead of always just barely making it.
I need a victory, a big victory in my life.
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 23:27:58 GMT
the sun is fading, the saddest part of the day for me.
Didn't do much, did pay takes, or file them with H and R block.
My advice is don't use them if you want money back, their people don't seem concerned with helping you get all back that you could or should.
They're just totally by the books and seem more interested in helping Uncle Sam get all they can from you.
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Post by Admin on Mar 29, 2022 22:06:30 GMT
This time yesterday I was all jacked up, and a bit buzzed as well, and planning on getting new car. All that changed after waking up today and realizing me taking on payments right now would be to much. I don't need the added stress, I really don't right now. And I can barely save without a 450 car payment, there's no way I could save with one. The only way I could save is to get second job or second income stream, and it's not as easy as it seems. Second job, ye, with the shortage of general labor, but at my age what am I going to do as some part time secnond job, wait tables?  I mean lets be real, I'm to old for that and wouldn't last very long, nor would I want to do it. Fast food?, heck no. Grocery store? I find that stuffy to, did it when younger and all the walking around can destroy your legs and joints. I remember at end of shift, even when younger, the pain was near unbearable, you have to have good joints with no pain to do those lower till jobs; and the people who do them deserve more credit actually. Bottom line, a second job just doesn't thrill me unless I was working around people who were sexy and flirtatious to be around. Tired of working around older dull post sexual skanks. At my my age trying to make life easier, not harder, passive income makes more sense as in roommate or airbnd, and have been spending most of recent off time clearing out back room, it's a very stressful process. I just take my time though, rushing and physically exhausting self just isn't my thing anymore. Anyhow, I've enjoyed my string of days off which will end tomorrow, work just seems like a necessary evil to me. |
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Post by Admin on Mar 29, 2022 22:10:32 GMT
And also, I don't like always feeling like I must be getting something done, why should I always feel that way?
I think we're conditioned to always feel like we shouldn't be wasting time, well why not?
There comes a time where i just got to learn to relax on my days off and not feel like I must always zip around getting micro stuff done that over the years has added up to a pile of beans.
If fate wants me to succeed I will, if not, oh well.
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Post by Admin on Apr 5, 2022 13:22:36 GMT
Yesterday was fun and felt great, then stupid me just had to pick up the bottle and have a few drinks.
I should of thrown it out, a few beers and small bottle of liquor had been sitting around in place for over a week, meant to toss them out, but didn't, and so gave in yesterday, and now today, I most certainly don't feel as good as I did yesterday, not at all.
But maybe that will change as I get up and move around.
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Post by Admin on Apr 5, 2022 20:20:35 GMT
What a odd feeling Tuesday, the day before going back to work always feels odd, cause you always have that day before work looming in the background, it just kind of wrecks everything, on top of any other issues you have going on.
I did cook some tacos today, that was kind of fun, even filmed it, think I'll start like a poor working class person you tube channel.
I use to be against inviting strangers to view my personal world, but as I age, get older, it's like why not, I'll be dead soon, one day, just saying, and so if don't share self now, than when?
Hell, I don't have any friends anyways, so what do I care, and since have a few books out there for sale, the more publicity the better, I guess.
This world is about over for me and I've failed miserably at achieving anything that matters.
So just starting not to care anymore.
They say men in particular are most reckless and dangers when very young and when get older and feel have nothing to lose anymore.
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Post by Admin on Apr 19, 2022 13:39:52 GMT
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Post by Admin on May 17, 2022 14:37:49 GMT
It's Tuesday!  It's Tuesday! And already I'm at a negative fiscal net positive..did that make sense? In other words, I've already had to spend $81.oo to get my drivers license reinstated due to a technicality, what a rip off. We earn, the government just casually takes.....from us. I mean the government gets all it's revenue from our labor. 81 dollars, that's hours in the sun, or whatever, that I labored for that the government just decided to take from me, why? They didn't earn it. Anyways, that's behind me now. Then I went and exercised, so now what? I'm already bored. Anyways, it's Tuesday and so hello.
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Post by Admin on May 18, 2022 1:07:17 GMT
Today feels more like a dream to me It's hard to explain, I feel totally detached, as in not caring about anything, yet I'm not depressed or unhappy. It feels like a dream or something, maybe cause of what I ate.  Store bought portobella mushrooms I got at Publix supermarket. Nah, that can't be it, a grocery chain wouldnt, couldn't, sell hallucinogenic mushrooms, but maybe they relax you. I'll read up on them later. I ate it raw, or half of one, with a little Italian salad dressing on it. I just feel really relaxed but not drowsy. And I still take that herbal tea as well. I just feel dreamy right now.
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Post by Admin on May 24, 2022 14:27:13 GMT
It's Tuesday Well, I suppose I should waddle my way out of bed, been in and out of sleep for hours. I drank yesterday, but surprisingly I don't feel as bad as I thought I would, and felt great earlier. Life is ugly and brutal, regardless of whether I have a few drinks or not. ________________________________________ Was reading about how utterly incompetent many Doctors have become, and how they bounce you around in the system, while the system takes you money with each bounce, until broke, have nothing, and still sick. Money has turned the world into a dark ugly place. Why would any diety so love the people of this world? I think such a doctorine is based on 'self love', in that we love ourselves, we love those like us, but hate the person next to us who looks different. I think the gospel was built around self love, in that if you love yourself, than of course god loves you to, and those who favor you physically and culturally. but historically and even now, people are very nasty and cruel towards one another, especially when don't get their way. We're cute when young, then get old and whither into prunes. There's nothing special about man, we're just guts on legs. --------------------------------------- Time to get up now and feed my gut.
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Post by Admin on Jun 7, 2022 15:39:14 GMT
It's Tuesday  It's a dizzy sissy Tuesday. Welcome to the day.
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Post by Admin on Jun 14, 2022 22:10:04 GMT
It's Tuesday  What a odd day, internally, inside myself that is. Thinking about going flying again, grasshoppers, salesperson saying they're my _____. and so forth. Me dealing with _______. Weird, weird. Who knows, all I do know and can be certain of though is that today is Tuesday.
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Post by Admin on Jun 28, 2022 20:49:00 GMT
Tuesday  It's Tuesday and I haven't even got dressed yet, thinking about going to the store, getting some ground hamburger meat, a few other items. Maybe some fruit, maybe stop by dollar store on the way back, grab some canned sardines, I don't know, my life is just a groundhog day of going in circles and doing the same unproductive stuff over and over again. I'm stuck in a vortex of nothingness, just like the above gif, I'm forever stuck doing the same thing over and over and over again. Anyways it's Tuesday, at least for the moment it's peaceful.
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