Saturday

I think today's Saturday, once I muster the enthusiasm to get out of bed, I think I'll go grocery shopping, something I haven't done in months.

I mean like actually physically go to the store and shop myself instead of ordering it.

I just need to get up and out, I'm off till Wed, and if I don't just get up and out I'll go nuts.

Boy how time just flies right on by

It's Saturday, again, and not much going on, I mean it's not like I go out anymore like I use to around 5 years ago.

I just don't go out anymore.



I mean it really wasn't that long ago that I'd go out to a club and just mix it up with people, order drinks, talk, laugh, dance, whatever, but then it just stopped, I just stopped going out, even before the whole C-virus hit.

My mood and outlook just changed.

I think it's when my job changed, when I stopped being a contractor and earning a ton of cash (at the time anyways) every week, when I lost that job, it effected my confidence.

I went back to being a regular, hourly wage type, and it just effected my confidence, cause when you go out, really the only way to impress strangers is with wads of cash or a seemingly endless supply of money you can spend.

I use to go to a place called the 'Metro', it was like a 4 plex LGBTQ type of community club, is what I call it, cause on any given night multiple events would be going on.

Why did I go there?

Cause I felt safe, that's why, but always went alone, and left alone, not once did I ever meet anyone there that was friends with outside of those doors, it's like once I left it was as if never there.

And surprisingly, at that club, were a lot of heterosexual women, wives, who just wanted to go to a club or place, where could have fun without worrying about pesty males hitting up on there.

People who are frail and sugarphobic have no idea how civil and orderly gay/lesbian/colorful/transgender ect, clubs can be, in fact I'd say that one, at least, was more safe and orderly than the heterosexual clubs, where there were shootings, fights, and other urban type stuff that occurred.

Whenever you're in your prime and go to any club where men are looking for women, fights are bound to break out, but this place was different, at least for me, maybe cause I'm different and wasn't looking to do anything other than talk to people and be artistically free, with the help of bacardi and coke, my favorite drink there.

But I'd always fake pretend flirt with the bartender...theater and all in fun.

And fun, going out and having fun, is just something I don't do anymore.

I guess now I measure fun in terms of fiscal security, or finacial gains.

If I won the lottery, than ye, I'd probably go out right now and celebrate.

I worked today, now I'm off, and the work part of my day was the least enjoyable part of the day, meaningless to me.

Home now, and dealing with after work mood.
Off for the next 4 days though, thank goodness!
I only keep this job cause I get such long periods off.

Anyways, I'm home now, if want to call it that.
Cold wet day, but home now and need to leave that part of day behind and settle in.

I feel so very sluggish today

Diet and metabolism man, I mean who can ever figure it out?

Some days feel light and zesty, other days feel so heavy and sluggish.

Not sure if it's do to mindset? Diet? or both or none.

With as little as I usually eat, not sure why I should ever feel sluggish all day long.

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That aside, I do need to get dressed, up and out for a bit, if not just a trip to the corner store and back, sometimes that's all it takes to wake up the insides, and get the blood flowing.

Heck, I even worked out, sort of, in my place.

I think just being on the computer to long, writing, ect, just makes you sluggish.

No one shall wreck my weekend except me

I work hard all week, or part of it, doing my job, come home exhausted and tired, and I'll be darn if on first day off I'm going to allow outside forces to ruin my weekend, and or early hours of it.

What do I mean by that?

Mainly calls, rogue calls, or sometimes calls from those you know, either way don't ruin my precious off time by planting negative stuff in my mind, I just won't allow it anymore.

And or getting some call from some solicitor with the following BS crap.

'Hello, my name is such and such, with some personal business matter to discuss, but first must ask am I speaking to whomever?'

Well, I got such a call and basically told them to pound sand if can't state why they're calling, or with what company or agency or anything.

That's just to vague to me, to just say 'Oh, I'm such and such, am I talking to ____?

I don't like surprises, so I don't say if I'm who they may think I am or not until I get more info.

My number one priority in life now is to protect self, that's right, to protect self from all physical and emotional pain.

I mean if it's good news, than tell me, if not than get lost, cause if it's bad news it'll work itself out without me.

And when people get my number that I never gave out, and then know my name, that just pisses me off even more.

With all the corruption and greed out there in the corporate world, the dishonest bookkeeping, hush fund scoundrals and more, the last thing prioritized in my life is to pay back some bills from years ago, when the CEO's of those companies get millionaire dollar bonuses for driving their companies in the ground...screw that.
I'm obligated to self and only self.

Billionaires and millionaires get off scot free, but common working class people, we're hounded for every penny we have.

Screw that and screw them.

Yep, it's a robo call, a no good for nothing 3rd party bill collector or scammer or whatever, but that number, I guess enough people get it that it's featured here



click to enlarge.