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Post by Admin on Apr 25, 2023 11:46:07 GMT
I get up, turn on morning news and talk, get out of bed, use the bathroom, weight self on scale, and now already ready to call it a day and go back to bed.  Yep that's right, I just don't feel like today has much for me, as yesterday didn't either. Ye, I know, it's all in the mind and how you're feeling about other stuff. It's all about support system, friends, family, responsibilities, ect...well I'm off today, at least I got that going for me. Other than that, as far as I'm concerned, what's worth getting out of bed for today? Got to open this fed ex envelope which probably has bad news in it, cause only notices, usually bad or burdensome ones, arrive through fedex. Oh well, we shall see. |
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Post by Admin on May 3, 2023 7:44:40 GMT
Nothing feels right to me, right now...somethings very much off.
Maybe I made the wrong decision to stay here, or maybe it's something worldwide, I just know something feels off right now.
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Post by Admin on Sept 18, 2023 15:09:19 GMT
I feel totally unfit to be able to deal with this world right now.
I'm not fit to deal with the challenges, or at least my own personal challenges, monetary challenges of this world, or my own personal world right now.
It sucks having a conscious in a dirty world.
Sometimes I envy those people who don't have a conscience, life must be a breeze for them.
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Post by Admin on Sept 18, 2023 15:10:01 GMT
Never any f,n good news in my life, just seems bad news and evil abounds everywhere.
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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 5:17:47 GMT
Once I'm off work, and have a few days off, I never look at the clock.
I have no clocks in my place, and if not scheduled to be anywhere, I never concern myself with time.
You can't truly be free if always worried about the time.
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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 5:27:42 GMT
I'm totally annoyed by people who complain about being rich, they annoy the hell out of me, such types.
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Post by Admin on Oct 30, 2023 8:22:47 GMT
I wish I could find a scary movie to watch....anything, just to rescue me from my own horrific reality  I wish I could find a scary movie to watch, anything, just to rescue me from my own horrific reality of uncertainty and nervousness about life, tomorrow and the future. -------------------------------- I'm a tweeb, I'm not as strong, on the inside, as people probably think I am, and so it's with, or through my art, that I show my weakness and vulnerabilities. I'm scared, just like everyone else, but who cares right.
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Post by Admin on Dec 31, 2023 15:34:52 GMT
Wish I could get one of these and just escape out into nowhere
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Post by Admin on Apr 15, 2024 15:08:51 GMT
It's still morning time, around 11 am or so.
Time to get up and start the day.
Not sure what type of day it'll be, I guess that's totally kind of up to me.
But can't help or control those who live around me.
Those who live around me make my heart sink, but at least, as of now, they're pretty quiet.
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Going to get dressed, which will put me at the 'ready', and then just get busy on stuff, reading, organizing, and waiting for a call to schedule class related stuff..
I should have put off on school until I moved, what was I thinking?
Never make important costly decisions when drunk, cause you'll always make the run decision, or at least make it at the wrong time.
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Owning a newer, nicer car when living around hood or ghetto people takes all the fun out of it.
Id rather live around younger white people than B ghetto types...at least younger W folks are talkative and more friendly.
But seems young people in general today, are strung out on drugs.
America is becoming a dangerous place now to live, cause ghetto types are sprawled out all over the place now, and new ghetto immigrants arriving as well, and everyone has to eat, job or no job, they gotta eat, which means more crime.
Joe Biden is the stupidest dumbess president ever, or the most clueless and used by dark forces that control his admin.
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Post by Admin on Apr 21, 2024 5:33:19 GMT
The longer I stay up, the more junk food I end up eating...maybe not junk food per say, but just end up snacking more.
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Post by Admin on Apr 23, 2024 12:45:12 GMT
The last 12 hours, which I spent primarily in bed, in and out of sleep, feels like it took forever to cover.
I woke up at around 1:38 am, and was sure it was 6 am.
Anyways, the mornings here now, got stuff to do today, and man has chosen to make life complex.
Time to get up and just deal with whatever.
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Post by Admin on May 1, 2024 7:58:24 GMT
Right now I kind of feel useless to myself...useless.
I'm trying to achieve certain goals and the only person getting in the way of those goals is me, my own dern bad habits.
Habits as in slacking, drinking (not as much, but I still haven't totally kicked the habit)
And just having a less than stellar brain when it comes to formulating details.
I'm my own worst obstacle. If I could just get out of my own way, life would be so much easier.
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Post by Admin on May 1, 2024 9:13:32 GMT
Anyways, it's time to lay back down, it's early morning still and sure I have energy, but when dark out and quiet, to me, that's the time to rest the mind....the best time to rest the mind.
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Post by Admin on Jun 11, 2024 10:50:48 GMT
I got out of bed with a sense of 'time is running out' feeling all through my body.
Like a sense of disgust with myself for wasting so much time, as of late.
Of saying I'm going to do stuff, then not doing it, or wasting large swaths of time doing nothing.
So, this morning, I'm up earlier than usual, and instead of laying around in bed, will do some home work type of stuff.
Hard to explain in this one post what I mean...just like an internal feeling of dread, dread that is to come if I don't get my act together...as in personal dread and disappointment.
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Post by Admin on Jun 11, 2024 11:25:48 GMT
I have this horrible sense of dread that I'm failing, or that I can't keep up with my own expectations...and it's even worse when you tell others what you're going to do, and then don't do it.
And drinking doesn't help, cause when drunk, that's when you boast even more about doing stuff you've yet to get done, then soon you lose cred if you don't carry through.
I'm taking a film course right now, and learning about so many amazing talented people, and in my mind they're decades ahead of me, and while they were in the industry making movies, and social networking, I was wasting my time working meaningless jobs, drinking, acting a fool, and basically doing nothing meaningful with my life.
It's a terrible feeling, for me, to realize, now that older, how little I've done with my life, and how I've wasted so much potential.
It wasn't all my fault though...it's just I was never around the right people or circles...always around dead beats...still am, but that's slowly beginning to change...but if I want to hang with this new crowd, I've really got to get my act together, for sure.
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