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Post by Admin on Jul 3, 2024 15:07:51 GMT
One thing for sure, in this world, you can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself or you'll get crushed.
If you want something, you just got to take it, or it'll never happen...at least not if apart of the underclass.
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Post by Admin on Jul 10, 2024 10:02:53 GMT
I lay here in bed, on a air mattress, awake, aware, and that's about it.
Just watched a episode of the old TZ titled 'The old man in a cave'.
Actors could really act back then and really bring stories to life.
But watching old TZ episodes is just a distraction to my own real life Twilight Zone and hell.
Black males, many, have been bred to be some of the dumbest most intellectually shallow people on the planet.
I mean who drives around at wee hours of the morning listening to rap music booming from the car?
Black males do, that's who...talk about one dimensional minds, no art, no culture, just 24/7 urban rap music....listening to other dudes rap about BS and demonic stuff, and or chasing fat women around.
I just don't understand how minds, adult minds, can remain so small.
To not ever be curious about other forms of art or music or styles...but to instead remain so small, stuck in ones own created mental and cultural prison.
That is the modern day urban bred black man.
And even the women are the same.
Many urban bred B women behave and act just like men, built like men, and are the ones their sons learn how to be a man from...think about that...
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Post by Admin on Jul 23, 2024 11:34:54 GMT
This is how I feel this morning A visual of how I feel this morning, and whatever your reaction to the artistic image, is how I feel. --------------------------- Anyways, what else is there to do other than to get dressed, groomed, and go exercise in a world that has for the most part de-feeted me. Yes, FEET are a large part of my art, my art always emphasizes feet, but only clean good looking feet. I don't recognize ugly unkept feet. That being said I totally feel de-feeted this Tuesday morning, and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. Fate seems to be the or my master. Fate is like a boa constrictor snake, once it gets ahold of you and starts squeezing, not much you can do. Fate, like a boa constrictor snake, just slowly starts to smother you, let's you breathe for a while, while slowly sufficating you with bad circumstance after bad circumstance...bad decision making after bad decision making...poor choices after poor choices. Although, with fate, you can make the right proper choice, but then fate steps in and still makes things go terribly wrong for you. With fate, it's not about 'you'...so don't always feel bad when things go south. Fate, for the most part, decides that, you, we, are just moving parts in an over all table of pieces. ------------------------------ Anyways, time to get on with this day. I will, no doubt, get knocked around like a bowling pin, and still though have to put on a fake pretend smile while out in public. Oh well, let's begin.
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Post by Admin on Aug 15, 2024 12:23:03 GMT
Sobriety is weird to me.
It's like I'm on a whole different plain of existence.
I wake up this morning feeling so neutral towards everything...no moods, no regrets, just neutral.
I don't feel sick, just neutral....not happy or sad, just neutral...as if reborn.
All this from just not drinking, as of late.
I mean sure, I had a few drinks a few nights ago, but the times I drink now, vs when I don't, is becoming wider and wider.
My energy level is way more constant and consistent now.
I had no idea how much alcohol was shaping my whole outlook and perspective on life, myself, and everything, as if possessed for years.
Also, I think even my feet are losing weight in that slippers are no longer tight.
I'm just not sure to make of this new consciousness experience, it's almost like being high or stoned in and of itself, the realm of constant sobriety.
I don't mean being sober 1-3 days I week, I mean being sober, on average, 5-10 days at a time, and growing...at least as of now.
I don't want to doom myself by saying I'll never drink again, so I'll just take it day be day for now.
-----------------------------------
Had so much energy, I just laid in bed well into the early morning darkness.
When drinking, going to sleep is easy.
Anyways, I have an appointment this morning.
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Post by Admin on Sept 22, 2024 5:11:01 GMT
Can't believe it's already 1 am, time is moving by way to fast now, I mean way way way to fast.
It's like almost been a whole year since Hamas attacked Israel...I mean like wow...a whole year already??
Slow down time!...my goodness...
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Post by Admin on Sept 28, 2024 12:38:02 GMT
It's Saturday.
I think I'll get dressed, groom, and then workout a bit, which will consist of a bike ride/walk.
It's the only way to stay healthy is to workout in the morning if you can, rather than waddle around in bed or inside.
Hurricanes long gone, the morning sky had a odd orange glow to it.
Well, like Conan said 'Enough talk'...let me get up and dressed and go do my thing.
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Post by Admin on Sept 28, 2024 12:51:20 GMT
It's raining outside now...  It's raining outside, so much for my bike ride. This is why I kind of miss my treadmill, but with no inside treadmill the only other alternative is like aerobics type of stuff, which can be boring as hell, or to simply get umbrella and take a walk in the rain. Either way, I have to exercise, I know my body enough to know when I need to exercise and burn off, out, toxins from the previous day and that build up overnight. |
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Post by Admin on Sept 28, 2024 14:57:41 GMT
⬆️⬆️⬆️Continued from above. Well I did workout...split it into two parts. 1. drove, stopped, picked up litter on the ground in area near where I ride and walk. 2. Came back, power went out for a few minutes, was talking to neighbors for a minute or two, power came back on, I got bike and went for a quick short but intense bike ride. Mission accomplished. I have to workout, it's vital that I'm in shape during this time of my life, and more importantly it's vital I keep my brain in shape.  |
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Post by Admin on Nov 2, 2024 5:08:17 GMT
I tried laying down, but just couldn't...it's like I could feel the weight of my body on my butt as I lay there on my back.
Just in a weird mood, there's a lot I've got to get done that I'm way behind on...and if I don't, life will suck, and even if I do, there's no guarantee of success.
My track record is more failure than success.
I'm in a bit of a agitated mood I suppose.
Most movies suck, yet when try to submit your screenplay nothing but walls.
So how the f are all these terrible movies getting made?
Anyways, I'm about done with this world, is the kind of mood I'm in...not sure what's left but frustration.
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Post by Admin on Nov 6, 2024 5:23:09 GMT
If the democrats lose, f them, f NPR and CNN and MSNBC...the people have spoken....jerk offs. Go Trump...the people have spoken!! 
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Post by Admin on Nov 10, 2024 16:27:09 GMT
Well now what, I'm up, it's about 11:30 am, and for some reason I thought it was well after 2 pm.
Sleep is weird like that, sometimes it's like you're in a time warp, other times it's like time slows down.
That aside, I'm up now, another day for me to waste and squander away.
I hate to say that, but that's just my pattern...I never utilize my time properly.
Hopefully that will start to change, cause time is becoming less and less friendly to me.
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Post by Admin on Nov 13, 2024 13:20:17 GMT
If I get up to early, my brain just refuses to focus on anything to hard, so instead I just space off, or blog write, journal write, like I'm doing now.
Mornings are a time to meditate and gather your thoughts...is why I think jobs that require you to get up really early suck, and are bad for your health, where you show up to pound away at some mindless job all day.
My overall health has improved since quitting my last job.
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Post by Admin on Nov 15, 2024 16:55:45 GMT
Time to get up, as the world and other people, and the devil, and maybe even god are all waiting to smack me in the face and slowly destroy my dreams and ambitions. Time to get up and get beat up by life.  |
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