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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 12:10:27 GMT
This is how I feel right now This is how I feel right now.
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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 15:29:41 GMT
Stranded  Stranded, that's kind of how I feel right now, and is a glimpse of current reality.
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Post by Admin on Oct 5, 2023 0:47:18 GMT
Today really beat me up I'm not a suicidal type, but I tell you what, when I woke up this morning, if I had passed away, I wasn't troubled by that idea. You just get tired sometimes, especially when alone.
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Post by Admin on Nov 2, 2023 2:25:47 GMT
Not gonna lie, tomorrow seems like hell to me. I have no use, zero use, for tomorrow. To me, tomorrow is a monster. Tomorrow will claim many victims, in many different ways. One day, tomorrow will even claim me, but what can I do about it? Nothing, other than write ahead of time about how much I dread tomorrows  |
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Post by Admin on Nov 15, 2023 20:04:43 GMT
Sometimes I feel my only purpose left in life is to suffer, and to watch the few I love also suffer as well, without having the ability to do anything about it. Gee wiz, what a future...  |
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Post by Admin on Nov 16, 2023 14:40:45 GMT
My mood has slightly improved since yesterday evening and into the night.
I have to work today, if nothing else, sometimes work can be a distraction from your mood.
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Post by Admin on Nov 28, 2023 3:01:34 GMT
Not in a very happy mood right now, probably more do to drinking a few beers than anything else...that and, well, just my over all future, it just doesn't seem so bright right now.
I don't see no good end, I just see life getting worse as I get weaker and lose motivation to fight on.
Employment all but seems useless now days.
I think if I were in love, that would change everything, if I had something or someone special to fight for, but I don't.
Anyways, no need in getting myself depressed, so let me divert my thoughts to something else more immediate.
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Post by Admin on Dec 21, 2023 3:24:26 GMT
Well, here I sit, late at night, gotta work tomorrow, and didn't have the most enjoyable off time.
I drank to much beer, what a waste, sometimes I can go sober for weeks, days, other times I cannot, although I never drink on days I have to work the following day.
My hairs growing longer, but I still look ugly, lol.
If have a ugly face, long hair really doesn't help, especially as you age, maybe when younger it does a little.
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Not sure what my purpose on earth is anymore.
I went to a 'find this person or yourself page' and saw where they had all sorts of wrong information about me, and it did kind of make me upset, cause some people, maybe many, don't realize those sites are a scam/sham.
Oh well, I'll deal with it later, tried getting a defamation Lawyer so I could sue them, cause no telling how that's hurt my rep over the years.
Anyways, a few more minutes to kill and play with before bed.
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Post by Admin on Jan 9, 2024 5:30:09 GMT
I really haven't been my usual self lately...I don't know, I guess I've been dwelling to much on the future, and not on the 'now'...I guess 'now' is all we really got. I need to snap out of it, but that's easier said than done, of course. Art usually helps me to relax, but lately I haven't even felt like creating any new art...  However, soft feet still do manage to put a smile on my face, at times. |
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Post by Admin on Jan 9, 2024 5:33:10 GMT
Also, I've had books, an ebook, out for over a year, and haven't been paid squat for them, that I know of.
I tell you what, the publishing industry is one of the dirtiest industries out there, full of vipers and snakes and false lying promises, for sure.
Going forward I'll publish my own books rather than continue to get ripped off by a shady industry.
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Post by Admin on Jan 9, 2024 13:56:21 GMT
Pulverized Pulverized by reality, my own. Some people have very good pleasant realities, if I could only be so lucky. But still, I must get up and get own with the day, as my ugly reality taunts me, as I struggle to find hope and encouragement. Where does one find hope and encouragement where there is none?
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Post by Admin on Mar 2, 2024 16:40:50 GMT
Ahh, moods, odd how quickly our moods can changed based on events, a call, a text, either for the better or worse.
It's all about our futures, I suppose...the more certainty we have in our futures, the happier we are in the now.
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Post by Admin on Mar 19, 2024 23:58:41 GMT
My mood is kind of damp today, probably because I drank yesterday night, when said I wouldn't.
Alcohol can and does mess with your mood, is why I'm serious about quitting.
I just got back from the Post Office, good thing I forgot to take my wallet, or sure enough, on the way back, I'd of stopped by corner store and got some beer, which I don't need.
I'll just have to weather this damp mood out.
I'm way happier when I don't drink, and more social.
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Post by Admin on Apr 6, 2024 2:32:25 GMT
Cleansing yourself is always a weird physiological ordeal  In a odd physiological state right now. So much is changing, has changed, in the last few months. I left my old job and plotting a totally different future I could not have imagined just 2 full months ago. Plus some other things happened, for the good. Plus I'm trying to stop drinking, for the sake of my over all health, my mind, and ect. And it's weird when you've got to actually deal with your thoughts, your feelings, your mood, without using booze to avoid doing so. Just not sure how to feel right now. Maybe be getting into a movie/theater/ training program with established people in the industry...it's all like a dream or something. I'm not use to things working out, and or making the right decisions. But I just had enough of going down the same ole boring, dead in career path. It's either now that I try something different, or never. Anyways, it's a quiet Friday night, still a lot of night left, but since not drinking right now, I usually end up snacking of food periodically...to much, actually. Back to the 'to do list'.
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