'Q' explored

White street women saying how cute I am...hmm

I just took an early morning bike ride up the roadway, believe it or not, just to get rid of some beer I had in my place...I just wanted it out of my place so figured I'd go lay it down or give it away...I ended up giving it away to two semi-street women who were white.

Well it's still dark out, so I'm only illuminated under street light next to hotels and other establishments.

I pull up on bike

'Hey, do you all drink beer?'

'Oh yes, I'd love to have one'

'You can have it all'

I laid beer down and they both started complimenting me on my looks.

'Oh look at his hair' 'I love that hair' 'Oh, they're so cute'...
'Come here so I can take a better look at you'...and on and on.

'Oh, they're so young'...no I'm not, I'm just fit...and it was dark out, and my hair hid my ugly face, is how I see it.
But wow, yeah, can't say I didn't enjoy the acclimades or attention...it's been a while since any woman has called me cute or complimented me on my slender body and looks.

It's one reason why I stopped drinking beer, cause beer makes your face look fat and pudgy and swollen, now that not drinking beer as of late, I'm really becoming slender, again, face is looking better, at least at night under a lamp pole...lol

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It's why I sometimes really do hate those lucky enough to be in my presence, cause I know I'm handsome, cute, whatever, but those around me in the past to gdm selfish to share me with others, instead they always wanted to, and still do, want to bury me...hell will not be hot enough for them for how they've tried their best to alienate me from the world.


Grace under fire...

People who did porn, like 10 + years ago, who's antics are still online, and they never bothered to cover their face, I wonder how they feel about that now?

Cause we all change, most anyways...and one could go from hardcore porn star to being a Monk or Nun, or Jehovah's witness, yet may have done homemade adult porn and put it online like on a tube site for all the world to see...but now that's you've changed, now what?

Like a 70 year old watching themself engaged in porn when they were like 25...

It's Sunday



It's Sunday.
I just got done working out, short but effective, I'll workout again later today.
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On a side note, I notice those who screamed about Jesus to me the most, years ago, are all afflicted with medical issues now.
All the ones telling me about nutrition, are now sickly...I don't get it.

I was drinking hard during those years...as in working class drinker, meaning I'd drink when at home and on the weekends, yet went to the doctor on Thursday of last week, the 22nd of Aug, and got a clean bill of health, even my liver was in top tip shape...hmm.

I'm not saying drinking is good, cause it isn't, and currently I'm trying to stop, but I just find it ironic those who always say 'Jesus' every other word out their mouth, are the ones who I see getting sick, sickly, can't walk right, etc.

I just find it a sham, a crutch, a mental condition, a sign or insecurity in their own salvation.
That's why I left all that crap...I didn't leave God or being a decent person, I left the sharade of church types.
It's like a competition with them, who can be the most Jesus like, or who can brag the loudest about how much their god blessed them.

'Oh, I was blessed 10 times'...'Oh yeah, well I was blessed 20 times', and so forth.

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Anyways, seems we're all afflicted in different ways, my affliction is in the form of social isolation.
That being said, it's Sunday, I'm alive, still here, but other than that nothing is new under the sun.

Sobriety can be one scary ride, if not used to it



Sobriety can be one scary ride, for sure, if not used to it, and you realize what a shaky foundation of supposed friends, even family, and or future you've created for yourself.

Once sober, you have to decide how to make things right again, one corrective decision at a time.

I was at a openly gay club last night, and sitting at bar area overlooking the dance floor.
Hardly anyone was there yet.
Those who were were just making small talk.

Then a group of about 3-4 people walked in, walked over to bar area and I guess they all new each other cause as the larger B dude led the group, he stopped by and gave everyone a hug...then when he got to me, he gave me a hug also...wow.

I thought that was really kind of them...they didn't know me, I didn't know them, but he had enough heart and where with all to know my feelings would of got hurt if he just suddenly stopped by not giving me a hug.

It just felt weird, cause I'm not used to even gay people being nice to me.
And maybe they weren't even gay, who knows.
A lot of people go to gay clubs or perform there who aren't actually gay, believe it or not.

But yeah, I'll remember that hug for a while by a large B fella.