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Post by Admin on Mar 7, 2023 23:24:30 GMT
I'm sober right now and it feels weird, a bit scary actually, cause I can't hide, I can't hide from reality when sober.
When sober, I can't pretend things are honky dory, nope.
Sobriety is good, is better, when have been sober for a while, but when like just starting or a day or two into it, it just feels a bit unsettling as you try to find your emotions again.
Alcohol can be like a blanket you pull over your head, but when sober, there's no blanket to cover you and make you feel safe, at least not at first.
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Post by Admin on Apr 3, 2023 4:07:58 GMT
I haven't done a single fun thing all day.
I drank yesterday evening and into the night, after work, and it, the alcohol really hit me in a heavy way, not sure why.
And then kind of ended a phone friendship because of it....changed my number and all, mainly for my own sake actually, cause there's nothing worse than always calling someone who doesn't reciprocate the calls or enthusiasm towards you that you have towards them.
But still, I doubt I would of acted so hastily if I were sober.
What's done is done.
Today really hasn't been fun at all, it's been a recovery day.
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Post by Admin on Apr 9, 2023 14:20:35 GMT
Wet and rainy out It's wet and rainy out. I have a few beers in the place, left over from last week. Not in the mood to drink. Yesterday was emotionally tough, things will probably get more tough, as such I need to be tough in order to handle it. Drinking, getting drunk, will only weaken my resolve.
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Post by Admin on Apr 26, 2023 4:14:29 GMT
One bad beer day in the last 7, not badI had one bad beer day on Sunday, after not drinking since Wednesday. I worked Wed-Fri, didn't drink Saturday, but did on Sunday, which messed up my Monday. Had one can of beer on Monday, and no more, and haven't drank since, so sobriety is winning and now that being sober energy and vitality is coming back and it feels good. 
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Post by Admin on May 21, 2023 1:40:58 GMT
I have 4 days off in a row, and I don't plan on drinking at all.
I want to ride this sobriety wave as far as I can, so far, I feel pretty decent.
I last drank on Wednesday, so not much to boast about, but have been declining drinking for weeks, so health is winning out.
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Post by Admin on May 28, 2023 2:06:30 GMT
In the past, I'd come home from work, on a lonely Saturday night like tonight, and just start drinking some beers, and or more.
But as of late, just trying to face reality 'as is'.
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Post by Admin on Jun 2, 2023 2:52:29 GMT
Not drinking as much, working out, taking vitamins, taking probiotics, has got me in a weird emotional/mood zone
Life is simple when drunk, you just drink, get buzzed, get silly with self, then go to bed, but when sober, healthy, and have energy, it's not that simple.
I've gotta figure out what to do with this new more sober, healthier, version of myself.
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Post by Admin on Jun 7, 2023 19:02:55 GMT
I'm still dry, my energy level has peaked. Coffee works great but only for a few days after stop drinking, beyond that you gotta be careful of your caffeine intake. You can't drink coffee or energy drinks like you do beer, that's for sure. That aside, it's been a pretty dull day, that's good I guess, when get to be my age. I still have a lot I can do on the 'to do list', but actually just feel like laying in bed and _____ with self. And pretending I'm being smothered by a gigantic slithery, wet, gooey amphibian.  |
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Post by Admin on Jun 18, 2023 16:30:14 GMT
I was so drunk, last week, that today, a Amazon package came in that I forgot I ordered, and it was shoes. And I was like 'Wow, I ordered these?'I mean they're nice shoes, but I just don't remember ordering them for myself, but obviously I did.  |
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Post by Admin on Jun 18, 2023 17:38:35 GMT
Also, it's amazing how being drunk so much in the past, really helped cover up how utterly devoid and empty my life is.
I mean I have all the basics, food, water, shelter, but so do prisoners, but at least prisoners have companionship, where as I do not.
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Post by Admin on Jul 16, 2023 7:25:40 GMT
I wonder why sometimes you can lay in bed at night/early morning, in and out of sleep, and feel as if you've been drinking, even though you haven't.
Like you'll feel that 'Oh wow, I must of drank a lot earlier', but then you realize you didn't drink at all.
Almost like a phantom hang over.
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Post by Admin on Jul 22, 2023 21:05:29 GMT
I was out, and almost caved in and got some beer, it was either left or right, I turned left to come back home.
What a close call.
But being sober feels very scary after a few days, when so used to using alcohol as a artificial means of boosting your moral and confidence.
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Post by Admin on Jul 22, 2023 21:20:35 GMT
I can literally feel my glands, my body, waiting for me to pour beer down my throat, to ease my anxiety.
It's tempting, but I know the end results.
I'll make self feel good and relaxed for a while, maybe a few hours, and then come tomorrow i'll feel depressed that I gave in, and then want more to drink to hide the depression.
The first week is always the hardest week to stop drinking.
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Post by Admin on Aug 14, 2023 19:53:19 GMT
I think booze has messed me up more than I realized.
I mean mentally, or physiologically speaking....as in my moods ect.
I mean from a 1-10, 10 being a really bad heavy drinker, I'd have to rate myself at a 4.5, in that sure, I don't drink every day, and can go days without drinking, as in when working, but when I do drink (which now is just beer) but when I do drink, I tend to go overboard, and that's what messes me up, I do believe.
Cause regardless, whatever I drink still has to go through my organs.
I mean i don't feel physically sick, no pain, but it's had more of an effect on my moods, and moral, than anything else.
And so of course, that being said, not drinking at the moment.
I can't, or it would be total destruction of my moral, and when your moral is gone, you've lost.
Cause so goes moral, so goes the body.
Not ready to give up just yet, still to healthy.
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Post by Admin on Sept 4, 2023 0:44:41 GMT
Going on 4 days without a drink
I sometimes get scared during this phase of not drinking, and I want to drink, to hide from the ugly reality of the world and some of the people in it.
Or I like to drink to shield my mind from the dreads of the next day.
When sober, I have no such shield, I have to face my mood, moods, and moments, 'as is'.
Now, if you don't drink, that probably seems normal 'as is', but if drink, it's not, it's scary, cause you spend years hiding from 'normal'....and I suppose that applies to those who do drugs as well, or other addictive substances.
But for me, it's alcohol, mainly beer....and normally I'd be drinking right now, but as of now, I'm not.
Tomorrow is a scary place and space to me, the future is a scary place and space to me, and booze helps camouflage that ugly reality for me.
When sober, like now, sometimes not sure how to process information and or even others I'm more comfortable relating to when drunk or drinking.
I wish I'd never started drinking to begin with, oh how different my life would be.
But, I mean who knows, just cause one doesn't drink doesn't guarantee longevity, things, bad things, happen to sober people as well...only fate knows the future.
Sometimes I wish I lived in a state where I could smoke week legally, and didn't have a job that regularly drug tests.
Because my stupid job drug tests, my only choice is beer, and that sucks.
Oh well, maybe I'll take a aspirin instead, to relax my nerves.
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