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Post by Admin on Feb 5, 2022 2:40:50 GMT
And also, when sober for days or weeks at a time I'm just able to get a lot more done, able to squeeze around 50% or more out of my off time.
But when drinking all the time, always either in that post drunk stupor or drinking to get drunk, and when drunk, details isn't something that's on my mind. When drunk, I tend to jump around and can only focus, or want to focus, for short periods of time, for after all
'Hey, I'm drunk, I'm suppose to be having fun'.
Being sober I simply have to change my definition of fun, as in when sober, I notice fun is more orientated towards actually accomplishing stuff that matter.
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Post by Admin on Feb 8, 2022 23:07:46 GMT
If was ever going to start drinking again, today would of been the day.
But I did cave and had just one beer, but that's enough.
2.5 beers in over two weeks, not bad.
It's just moments like this, the day before having to return to work, where you want to get that last 'blast' out of your off time, but really can't, is when the temptation to drink hard is really there.
But not this time, not this time, my health matters more to me now than getting blasted for a few hours.
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Post by Admin on Feb 8, 2022 23:16:16 GMT
In fact, I think I'll toss out the last two remaining beers that have been sitting on counter for last few weeks, I'm just going to toss them into the water.
I don't need to drink anymore, it's as if those who have abandoned you are just waiting, expecting, your demise, and by me continuing to drink, I'd simply be deliverying them that.
That's reason enough to stop right there.
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Post by Admin on Feb 9, 2022 3:45:49 GMT
Love losing weight, the weight I've lost is about equivelant to 75% of a one gallon jug of water. And also trying to train self to not eat before going to bed, that's a no no if trying to lose weight, but it sure can be tempting. In the past I'd be drunk, stomach full of beer, and then stuff face right before bed, oh what was I thinking, obviously I wasn't.  |
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Post by Admin on Feb 10, 2022 19:40:47 GMT
I think I need to go walk, for exercise sake
I think I need to go walk around the park, in the sun, even though don't feel up to it.
Why am I writing that here in the sobrety section?
Cause it's all related. I'm not drinking right now but not feeling the best either.
And just cause stop drinking doesn't mean everything else that's wrong or could go wrong medically will not do so.
I mean there's plenty of people in this world right now who do not drink, who have never drank, gotten drunk, who are yet still sick as a doorknob.
I do know this though, the more fit one is, the better chance one has at fighting off stuff.
I can either feel sickly and stay home, or can feel sickly and go to the park and walk, breathe fresh air, get blood circulating and all.
I think I'll go to the park, if going to die, would rather die there anyways, at least there if I die people will see me, if I die at home, may not be noticed or discovered for days or weeks, and only then because my employer would want to know where I was, to see if I quit or not.
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Post by Admin on Feb 19, 2022 4:47:52 GMT
I was really fooling myself
I was really fooling myself, I've since woken up, when it comes to health and drinking.
I think when younger and healthy, we, I guess, think our organs are made of steal and iron, and aren't effected by what we eat or drink.
Obviously that's wrong.
And or if naturally slim and tall, we don't notice 'fat' as much as if shorter.
Well I've lost the equivelent of a 1 gallon jug of water over the last few weeks by not drinking beer/alcohol.
A gallon of water in weight, extra weight, is a lot to be carrying around.
But can't stop there, in addition to drinking, I was getting sloppy with diet, eating a lot of sauce on food, as in Mustard, Ketchup, ect, = sugar.
I was consuming diary, coffee, at the same time, then getting drunk later (what was I thinking?)
Well it kind of all caught up with me, I mean it's not like I was a hardcore drinker, like a whino or something, I still work, and even worked out, but still, that being said, alcohol still has, will have, a corrosive effect on the body.
As such I have stopped drinking as of now, just hoping didn't do any perminant nerve damage in muscles.
Time will tell.
Actually I don't think so, but may have gotten an internal infection from inflammation do to the diary products I was consuming.
Who know's.
I just know I'm still here.
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Post by Admin on Feb 21, 2022 12:14:05 GMT
I feel surprisingly well today, considering how miserable my body felt yesterday.
And I'm writing this here cause I'm still linking all health issues, good or bad, during this period with my attempt to go sober, its all connected right now.
I did give in yesterday and drank about 1.8 cams of beer, but then just stopped, and glad I did.
But 1.8 cans of beer over the last month or so, isn't bad at all, not bad at all.
Then after drinking the beer I drank lots of water.
Problem is I brought 2 4 packs, and now they're sitting on counter, I don't need them there, so if leave place today will take them with me and just set them on the sidewalk where homeless people walk.
Also, by not drinking I'm saving a ton of money, I mean I paid around 12 dollars for those two packs of beer, wow!
So just in the last month alone I've probably saved over 100 dollars or more from just not buying beer every day that I'm off from work.
Oh well, just small talk. At my age I should be worrying about other things than beer, I'm so far behind the progession curb, not sure if I'll ever catch up.
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Post by Admin on Mar 1, 2022 20:14:06 GMT
Still sober  Still sober, probably the longest or 2nd longest time I've been sober for this period of time in maybe a decade...wow, now that's a milestone. So how do I feel about it? I don't know, I still do actually miss the silliness that can come out when I'm drunk or drinking. And I do kind of miss the sensation of not caring about anything, and that only the hour before me matters. And when drunk, it's easier to entertain self when alone, I guess like getting stoned would be. But other than that, I just don't know. The people around me haven't changed. Oh, and I do notice my public confidence has actually gone up, not down. Cause before when drinking, I always felt unless I was drunk that my personality was inadequate, not anymore. When sober, I'm just naturally (at least now) a loud, boisterous transparent type of person or soul. When sober, I guess it's cause I don't feel guilty about anything, but when drinking, and then sober between drinking, I seemed to always feel guilty about stuff, maybe stuff I might have done are said while drunk...who knows. Overall, I just do like my overall self-better when sober. I just wish I could of done this 8 years ago, but I guess the time wasn't right, the 'scare' wasn't deep enough. It takes a real scare to actually snap you out of it, or pain, physical pain, something. Anyone can be brave when they die just once, I guess it's the feeling of dying every night, over and over again, that will finally snap some people out of their drinking habit or other bad habit they may have.
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Post by Admin on Mar 2, 2022 0:15:47 GMT
Not to keep harping on sobriety, but to me it's almost like getting a new lease on life.
Not that any of my problems or issues have gone away, but I just feel different, more confident, and realize I'm I have nothing to be ashamed of, as far as my personal mature development.
I mean I go into stores, the public, and see many who are just 'not with it', or who have nasty personality quirks, or are shy, mean, grouchy all the time, introverted and more, so I think I'm doing pretty well.
I'm articulate, say what I mean, when in public, sociable..and more.
Some cops don't even have those traits.
I was in a police sub station earlier today and one cop couldn't even look me in the face, you could tell they had internal issues, as if they were only seeing someone like me in a certain role.
As if couldn't actually engage me as a equal peer, peer as in equal social status. You could tell it made them uneasy to see someone like me
actually int he substation not do to being in trouble but do to handing out a book I wanted them to read. That officer wasn't use to seeing me in non deliquint role or status...and I found that very telling, I mean why are cops like that even on the force?
Cops like that condescend to people, I know the type, they think they know you better than you know yourself, and they think you're always hiding something from them, and are a forever suspect in their eyes, which are warped from to many years of being a cop.
Oh well, I just hope they read the material I left behind.
And with that, let's see what else I can get into before this short evening is gone and tomorrow arrives.
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Post by Admin on Mar 20, 2022 17:27:14 GMT
I have some beer sitting on my patio that I need to get rid of before I'm tempted to drink it.
I mean I just need to like go give it to some homeless begger.
Cause I feel myself tempted to drink it, but know that if I do I'll regret it.
I'm trying to be sober now all the time, and the beers left over from a moment of weakness a few days ago, just a moment though, only had 2, and felt super guilty about it.
now have like 6 cans of beer in a bag on the porch, and I really do need to get rid of it now, or may justify drinking it later if and when mood changes.
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:25:14 GMT
I had a few beers yesterday, but have since thrown all the rest into the river or inlet, and other stuff.
I just didn't want it in my place anymore.
I hate liquor and drinking now, I really do.
I see now how demonic it is.
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:28:09 GMT
A lot of people are fine with drinking though.
I mean when I go to liquor store, or when I did, there was always a line at drive thru window.
I also noticed a lot of urban females love to drink hard liquor, as in black females, they'd be buying bottles bigger than mine.
All I use to buy were those small Jim Bean splits.
Not sure if those women were buying the booze for their 'man' or themselves, I just know women, black women, where I stay, love buying large bottles of hard liquor.
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Post by Admin on Mar 22, 2022 13:30:00 GMT
And maybe most can handle drinking, me, I couldn't, can't, cause when I drink I do so to go over the edge, I've never been a casual drinker.
If I'm not drinking to get drunk, than drinking doesn't make sense to me.
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Post by Admin on Mar 29, 2022 13:04:15 GMT
I have to now call in and repair a stupid decision and commitment I made yesterday while drunk.
It's why drinking can be so hideous, do to the decisions some of us make while drunk.
It's one thing when those decisions effect us, but when they effect others, well.
And I told a car dealership that I was going to come in and buy a new car, with their help of course, but after waking up, sobering up and thinking about it, I really don't think inviting 450 dollar a month payments into my life would make things better, the car would, the payments would not.
And I just don't need that constant economic strain in my life.
I remember how wonderful it felt when last car making payments on was destroyed by a tree, I was upset at first, but when didn't have to make those 300 dollar a month payments, life got a bit easier for me.
And I must remind self of that.
Why would I walk into a situation that's going to stress me out?
Sure the sales people would get a sale, but once I drive off lot, it's my issue for the next how many years, assuming I didn't default on payments which a lot of people do, is why you see so many newer cars for sale, cause obviously owner of car just couldn't make the payments.
So now, I need to person up, and stand up, and go ahead and make this call to dealership and tell them I've changed my mind.
It's going to make me look bad, but so what, at least I won't have locked self into payments for next 5-6 years.
If going to get a new car, I at least need to make sure I have a second income stream to cover extra expenses, that would be the responsible thing to do, and as of yet I haven't proven to self that I'm capable of generating a second income outside of my basic check.
Anyways, this is not getting any easier, so let me stop typing, pause, think, and then call the dealership.
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Post by Admin on Mar 29, 2022 13:39:09 GMT
I made the call⬆️⬆️⬆️ continued from above I made the call to salesperson, it was hard, but glad I did. and I told them for now, I've changed my mind. I told them I need another week, or as long as it takes for me to make sure buying a new car is right for me, not them, but me. And it's not their fault, I'm the one that keeps toying them. I was going to get a Dodge Challenger.  Yes, I could of had a Dodge Challenger today had I just gone down to dealership. and tonight, or this afternoon, would of had a brand new Challenger in my usual parking slot, instead of the older used vehicle I have now. No doubt visually I would of felt good, but come next month when that first payment due, reality would start setting in. I'm not earning more, but expenses would increase, that's called stress. And not sure the joy of owning a new car could overide the stress the payments would bring for years to come. So anyways, at least for now, no new car.
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