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Post by Admin on Apr 4, 2022 12:49:40 GMT
Still pretty much sober, and have to keep writing about it cause for so many years drinking was apart of my life, and I've only recently been divorced from alcohol.
I even have some booze in this place, and haven't touched it, been meaning to give it away to street beggers, and there's lots of them near where I stay.
Mainly they're white though, that's what I find interesting that news never reports on, and that is the fact that most of the drug addicts where I stay are white.
In the 1980's and 90's most drug addicted homeless were people of color, and maybe still so other places, but here, where I stay, the majority of the drug addicted homeless are younger white folks, and or couples, between the ages of 18-35.
Drugs have moved into rural redneck parts of the nation also, and with the southern border wide open, more 'Redneck' type drugs are flooding over, drugs that appeal more to 'white people' that is, I guess.
Cause at least where I stay, you just don't see black folks or even Mexican folks, getting addicted to drugs.
But still, according to the Jewish owned media, the only people you'd think were struggling are 'black folks', in the media, for whatever reason the only people who always seem to be struggling is always and only black folks.
And what people see on TV does shape perception, so you have to wonder why the media loves pushing this idea that it's only black folks who are down trodden? When in reality, at least where I stay, it's maninly poor white folks who are down trodden, and if anything it's the black folks who prey on them.
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Post by Admin on Apr 5, 2022 21:01:07 GMT
Well, I messed up and had some beers yesterday, and have to work tomorrow, so in kind of a nomad zone of nothingness.
Tomorrows going to suck either way cause will be working, so physically feeling good tomorrow really means nothing to me right now cause will just be sitting most of the day anyways, or driving.
That being said, I may go ahead and have a few beers just to give myself a send off, so to speak.
If I didn't work tomorrow, it would be a different thing, cause I could feel good and fit on my day off, but I'm going to be miserable tomorrow anyways, so if feel bad for drinking, so what, cause it will be one long day of misery regardless, and the next day and the day after that.
So I can get back on the sober bandwagin beginning tomorrow, but for now, since already drank yesterday, may as well go ahead and drink a few more rather than sit here feeling 'ugg', all alone.
At least when drinking I can feel like I'm having fun even though I'm not.
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Post by Admin on Apr 9, 2022 4:14:09 GMT
I tell ya what, tea has the opposite effect on me than alcohol.
Tea keeps me wired and full of energy, booze mainly made me feel wore out.
I think though, when younger, booze had a different effect on me.
When younger, if remember right, booze, the effect of booze, just felt more positive, it really did.
Probably cause organs were younger and could process booze more effeciently.
Cause when younger, and looking back, drinking made me feel happier for longer periods of time.
But when younger, as in high school young, when I drank back then, always did so around friends, so it was fun.
But when got older, I mainly drank alone, not to celebrate anything, but just to enhance the feeling of being alone.
There was a time though that I'd go to one specific place and drink in public, and it was fun, I had fun, but never wanted to associate with anyone I met there when sober.
And that's the thing about drinking, is the person you become is fake.
And the next day when sober, and feeling icky, you're like 'Why the hell was I talking to that person, or those people?'
Drinking has given me some great fun times, but it's also cost me many opportunities, I guess.
I have mixed feelings about it.
If could go back in time, I'd prefer to have just drank once a week, or just on the weekends.
If I could of just kept my drinking limited to the weekends, things maybe would of worked out differently...who knows.
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Post by Admin on Apr 10, 2022 14:00:51 GMT
I'm glad I didn't drink yesterday, had a few swallows, but then stopped, and so glad I did.
today will try taking some liver and gallbladder cleansing herbal tea, just a small amount.
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Post by Admin on Apr 21, 2022 2:12:19 GMT
And I had a relapse this last cycle off.
I gave in and drank a few drinks, and of course now wishing I hadn't.
I've seen the benefits of sobriety.
1. Muscle pain went away (also do to herbal tea)
2. Moods more consistent, more enthused, more happy go lucky demeanor like I use to be when in high school actually...weird.
3. Work isn't as cumbersome, cause I have more energy when system is clean of the effects of alcohol, thus work day goes by much quicker.
When I drink more than twice a week when off
1. Moods become darker when not drinking
2. Work just seems to drag on and on.
3. Because I drink at home, I neglect to cash in on opportunities, cause once I drink I stay at home, so I miss out on stuff.
Drinking just makes me lazy.
4. General health isn't as good, and I gain wait, and don't look as good, cause when drink face is puffier.
And I could go on with both positives and negatives of sobriety and drinking.
I do believe the sobriety side is winning, cause why would I willingly want to basically walk back into hell?
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Post by Admin on Apr 23, 2022 22:25:28 GMT
It's Saturday, doing OK, I guess.
Just got back from corner store where I gave about 7 cans of beer to a homeless man with a Jamaican accent.
At this particular corner store, older (or at least look older) bum type of guys hang out next to store, even have table set up and all.
Normally I ignore them, but this time one was riding up on bike, I had beer to give away, so gave it to him, Xmas for him, free beer, now they don't have to beg.
I did that cause I didn't want it in my place tempting me.
That's how I gave in last two times is I allowed beer to just sit in my place, which allowed me to rationalize having a drink, and then two, and well you know.
I may have stopped drinking, but I still have holes in my life that could trigger me to want to drink, so I have to be careful.
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Post by Admin on Apr 25, 2022 21:28:03 GMT
If I were still drinking, I would not of done today what I did, and that was save myself a ton of money and worry by going to autozone and allowing them to, for free, to diagnose my 'check engine' light.
And all it was, was a crankshaft sensor.
If I had been drinking, for one I would not have drove there, for two, I'd of just taken it to a mechanic and the mechanic would of charged me a minimum of 300 dollars, and would not have been as honest.
Many people don't realize that auto zone will check you check engine light issue for FREE.
But just saying, had I been drinking, head would not of been clear, I'd of put it off, then panicked and taken it to a mechanic, or traded car in for nothing, when all it is, is a crank shaft sensor.
It's why being level headed really does pay off in the short and long run.
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Post by Admin on May 1, 2022 1:49:53 GMT
I'm not drinking, or drunk, so why am I posting here? Cause, well, just got off work, and feel better than I have in a while after getting off work, and also for the first time in a long time, I actually lost weight while at work, instead of gaining it. Why? 1. Stopped drinking daily. 2. I cut out a lot of snack food and drinks. I had no idea or forgot how much sugar snack foods and drinks contain. I was like drinking 'Arizona Tea' and or 'Gatorade' daily, thinking they were health drinks...Wrong!  I mean there was so many things, dietary, in conjunction with drinking, that I was doing wrong. And now that I've cut much of it out, I'm seeing the benefits. No doctor needed, at least not yet (sooner or later we'll all need to see a doctor do to age related stuff) And today bought some honey from a roadside food vender, real honey, you can do that where I live if you just go out in the country a bit. |
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Post by Admin on May 1, 2022 1:52:16 GMT
I just wonder, had I gotten on this health kick (continued from above)..⬆️⬆️
Had I gotten on this health kick years ago, instead of drinking, how much more healthier I'd be today?
How much more sexier would I have looked to myself and or others, a few years ago?
Although at my job, no one cares about how sexy you look, it's a blue collar grungy type of job.
But just saying, oh the years I've cheated myself out of.
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Post by Admin on May 1, 2022 1:53:46 GMT
and it wasn't 'Jesus' or any religion that made me want to stop drinking and change other habits....It was love of self that did it.
I would never abuse another person, so why would I abuse myself?...is how I surmised it.
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Post by Admin on Jun 5, 2022 22:00:10 GMT
Sobriety has to be fun, in order for it to last
Sobriety has to be fun in order for it to last.
that's the greatest thing that pulls people back, is once sober it's like 'OK, now what?'
Once sober you need to build a life around that sobriety or will slowly slip back into drinking to fill the time, and lonliness.
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Post by Admin on Jun 12, 2022 10:57:51 GMT
Medical benefits of sobriety I am no 'expert' I'm just me, but I am a expert on my own body. And I notice this, the less I drink, the stronger my immune system is, the better body able to fight off illness, disease, parasites, ect. With me, I think I notice that alcohol tends to supress my immune system, and even if it does so just a little, that 'little' can be all it needs for a illness to get the better of my body. Like a football team, if even 1 or 2 defensive line players aren't functioning right, that's all it takes for the opposing team to break the line.  And I have a hunch that when I drink, it allows for the opposing team of bacteria, germs, viruses, to break through, and all that need happen is a few break through and then the multiply and wreak havoc on the body, especially as we age and liver and kidneys and other organs naturally begin to decline. Even when strong and good health, as we age, or organs still aren't as strong and effecient as they were, say, 10 years prior or 20 years prior, now add alcohol to that and it gets worse quicker. I say this cause when stopped drinking a few months ago, all my bodies pain went away, then begin taking herbs, I felt atop the world, health wise. But then started drinking again, some beers, and one time slip led to other justifications to drink, and slowly but surely the pain begin coming back as bodies immune was effected by the alcohol. I think my pain though, was, is, related more to bug bits and the toxins they inject, or maybe even muscle parasites (been doing a lot of reading and research about pain symptoms). And pain drains, regardless the source, pain drains you, you body expends a lot of energy trying to fix pain, and pain is very distracting, and can devistate your day, can devistate you work experience, at home experience, your off work experience, cause it's always there. You can fool others, but you can't fool yourself. Pain will make you even want to curse 'god', and pain can make you bitter and depressed, sad and mad. Bottom line, with me anyways, alcohol and pain are related, I do believe. Although I'm still not scott free yet, but can slowly see the improvments again as I once again obstain from drinking and give my body a chance to fight off whatever it is or was that was cause me so much muscle discomfort and even started occurring in the joints as well. Now, if only not drinking could help me with my spelling.
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Post by Admin on Jun 12, 2022 11:11:36 GMT
Pain also greatly effects our moods, and outlook on life.
I had no idea how many people are in pain, until I started doing research, I mean physical pain.
I guess it's obvious though with all the pain relief commercials on TV and radio.
And if have been in pain and discomfort for weeks, months or years, just not being in pain in and of itself can make you feel really happy again just from not being in pain.
You don't realize how much of a burden pain has been to you until that pain goes away, be it physical pain or phycological pain or emotional pain.
Pain, regardless the source, pain drains.
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Post by Admin on Jun 24, 2022 2:42:41 GMT
I'm glad I didn't drink today, cause gotta wake up early tomorrow, and there's no worse feeling than drinking the day before you have to wake up early, and especially when not expecting it, but gladly I didn't drink today on my day off, so ye, it will still annoy me to wake up about an hour earlier than normal, but at least won't have the post alcohol death lag type of drowsy feeling.
Oh well, time for bed.
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Post by Admin on Jun 27, 2022 3:28:16 GMT
Bizzar mood.
I miss my DVD collection, I miss old computer with DVD player, cause with screen record, was able to make all sorts of cool gifs, had over 100 movies to play around with, all types of older Walmart bin type of movies I'd collected over the years, but then a few months ago just felt like getting rid of all of it, I was in a 'clear the place out' type of mode or mentallity.
Now i wonder if that was the right move.
I guess can still digitally order movies from Amazon, but I wonder how that works, they send you a file that you store forever and it's yours?
I know also that you cannot screen record on Amazon movies, the screen just becomes pitch black.
I just miss being able to do things without having to be online.
Silicon valley people are monsters, and many of them aren't even originally from the U.S., many of them are like from India, that area, and have a whole different set of values, and I think it's when they started being put in leadership roles on big tech is when oppression began.
And I think that's why our government is changing, do to to much Asian influence and money in Gov, even these Jan 6th hearings have 'China money' written all over them, cause normally Americans don't do this to one another, not to this extent anyways, but if paid enough money by China, these current politicians will do anything and hurt anyone.
Power has corrupted them, not that they have any over me or the common person on the streets.
Anyways, I got distracted, I'm in a odd mood, sober, and want it that way for now.
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